Five Steps to Being Okay When Circumstances Are Not Okay

Dear friends,

Whether it is deep concerns about the state of the world or some kind of personal, professional, financial, or health challenge, or a combination of each, everyone is feeling it these days.

In this letter, I’m sharing five steps to being okay even when the circumstances are not okay.

First of all, we need to remember that it is completely okay to not be okay.

It is completely human to be hurting, to be grieving, to feel sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, anxious, lost, confused, and afraid. It doesn’t matter how high your position is in the world, you are allowed to be a human being and feel pain.

When someone breaks their leg, we don’t expect them to put on a smile and run a marathon the next day.

But when someone is in pain mentally or emotionally, society does not offer the same level of understanding, compassion, or patience.

It makes many people walk around with shame and guilt on top of the hurt that they are already experiencing. And it often pressures individuals to abandon themselves and make poor decisions just to keep up appearances, which only creates more problems in the long-run.

We need to start being more real and compassionate with ourselves and with each other.

So the first and the most crucial step to being okay when the circumstances are not okay is acceptance.

Let yourself not be okay. Stop judging yourself and making yourself wrong for not being okay. Accept the season of life that you are in right now and know that all seasons pass.

Once you do that, and you are able to give yourself permission to fully embrace this human experience, amazingly, it creates the space for you to take gentle steps towards improving your internal state even when life looks like a giant mess externally.

Step 2: Let yourself feel how you feel. Don’t get tempted to distract yourself and avoid the uncomfortable emotions that may be coming up for you. The healthiest way past these emotions is to move through them. So breathe and give yourself permission to FEEL. Don’t judge yourself and have that big cry or as many as you need. Ride the waves and hold yourself gently. It could also help to journal about how you are feeling. For more guidance on this step, please listen to my podcast conversation with Harvard Medical School psychologist, Dr. Susan David (here).

Step 3: Lean into faith. Trust that regardless of your circumstances, you will be provided with the strength, support, resources, and guidance to grow from it and persevere. So even if it feels impossible, even if all around you is full of darkness, have faith that you are the light and that you will find your way. Deep in the quiet center of your being, you have access to guidance and wisdom that will help you out of the darkest of tunnels. Moving through Steps 1 and 2 can help you better settle into this space and listen more deeply to your inner being. Ask for the guidance that you need in this moment and take it one moment at a time.

Step 4: Lean on others. Having the right people in your corner can make a significant difference in your ability to move through challenging circumstances more smoothly. Consider asking for support from a mentor, advisor, and/or a mental health professional that you feel aligned with. And/or reach out to people in your life that you trust and feel safe with. Odds are, they are struggling with something too and perhaps you can offer to support one another. Remember, you are a human being so please have compassion for yourself and give yourself permission to receive help, to be held, and to be supported.

Step 5: Take small daily actions to support yourself. Regardless of your circumstances, show up for yourself consistently, even if it is in the tiniest way possible. Here are three small actions that I have found to be transformative - aim to do them daily:

1. Write down one thing that you feel grateful for in your life and really connect with the feeling of gratitude: “Today, what I feel grateful for in my life is…”

2. Write down one thing that you appreciate about yourself: “Today, what I appreciate about myself is…”

3. Do one thing that supports your nervous system and feels really easy for you to do - make it as small and as simple as possible. For example, go for a 15 minute walk, take five deep breaths, have a nutritious meal, meditate for 10 minutes, or call a friend. Take one small loving action that feels good and nourishing to you today.

   These actions may not sound like much, but they will add up over time and make a significant difference in your overall wellbeing and your ability to move through the waves and storms of life.

   (I have also laid out Step 5 for you in The GOLD Journal, where you can follow the 10-minutes/day prompts for an extra boost, here.)

As you take these steps and keep showing up for yourself on a daily basis, you will better be able to show up for others and take aligned actions that improve your external circumstances and our world.

In fact, if more people (especially those in positions of power) took the time to feel and process their pain instead of acting them out, the world would be a much safer and more peaceful place.

So always remember:

Taking care of your internal state is the best gift you can give yourself and everyone you impact.

May you be well and may you thrive.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

How to Dance with Uncertainty

Dear friends,

The only certainty in life is uncertainty. None of us know what will happen in our lives next year, next month, next week, or even in the next hour. Literally, anything could happen!

Depending on your nervous system, your mindset, and the situation, you can either feel terrified by this prospect or be super excited, or feel a mix of emotions somewhere in between.

Today, I want to share with you how you can dance with uncertainty and continue to thrive in the process.

As human beings, we are hardwired to seek safety. For many women, this translates into avoiding uncertainty and risky decisions, even if they might yield better outcomes and opportunities for learning and expansion.

We often choose to stay in our comfort zones and with the familiar, while missing out on all the growth, magic, and wonder that life has to offer.

We also spend much of our valuable time and energy trying to predict and control future outcomes, while missing out on the gifts and lessons of the present moment.

And for some of us, we tend to find safety in our routines, coping mechanisms, schedules, people, and places that are familiar, even if they are not healthy for us and don’t support our thriving.

On top of all of this, most of us have been conditioned to pursue external sources of psychological and physical safety (e.g. through the approval and acceptance of others), which can create unhealthy attachments and rigidity that make going through waves of expansion and uncertainty incredibly painful and difficult.

None of this is our fault. The world has been unsafe for women since the dawn of time and much of our current systems have not been designed for women’s thriving. Our nervous systems can only take so much, so it is understandable when we hold on to whatever we can to have some sense of safety, even if it might be holding us back.

How our need for safety translates into our behaviors and decisions is significantly shaped by our past experiences and personal and generational traumas. For many of us, if we don’t comfort and heal those parts of us that are governed by these experiences, we will face uncertainty (and so much of life) with resistance, rigidity, fear, and anxiety.

THE most important work that any of us can ever do is the inner work of cultivating safety within ourselves. This will open us up to living more authentically, walking our purpose in the midst of uncertainty, and becoming the powerful agents of change that our world desperately needs.

In “The Womenifesto”, I share 11 essentials reminders you need to create safety within yourself and learn to dance with uncertainty as you step into your purpose.

Please take a few minutes to read it if you haven’t already (it is free and available here) and reread it as often as you need to.

Being able to dance with uncertainty is the next frontier in our evolution as powerful women, leaders, and changemakers.

Instead of rigidity, we want to aim for agility. We want to learn to flow with life’s contractions and expansions, welcome the waves of growth with openness and curiosity, and be present and compassionate with our day-to-day emotions and experiences.

When you feel safe within yourself and start walking in your purpose (even when you don’t have clarity on where it is leading), you will not only be able to tolerate uncertainty, but you can learn to dance with it and even thrive in the process. You will also have a greater capacity to innovate, create, and challenge the status quo.

Even when life hits you with unexpected hardships, you can move through them and come out on the other side, stronger, brighter, and wiser than ever.

May you dance with the waves of life and may you continue to thrive.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

What Every Woman Needs to Read

Dear Friends,

For today’s letter, I’m sharing something that has taken me on quite a journey and has been five years in the making.

It is a seven-page document called, “The Womenifesto: A Call for Women to Remember, Come Together, and Birth a New World Order”.

If you are a woman and/or someone who cares about elevating humanity, I strongly urge you to read it.

I also invite you to share it widely, especially tomorrow, on March 8th, which is International Women’s Day.

You can read “The Womenifesto” online now and/or access the PDF version here:

May this Womenifesto reach everyone it is meant to reach.

And may it nourish the hearts, minds, and spirits of all who receive it.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

How to Avoid Holding Yourself Back From Further Success

Dear friends,

For today’s letter, I'm thrilled to share insights from my research, "Women Lean Back When Representing Others in Competitions", recently published in the Journal of Behavioral and Experimental Economics. Let’s explore how the findings can support you on your leadership journey and reveal the two crucial steps you can take to propel you towards continued success.

Research Overview:

My research illuminates how the responsibility that is a common feature of most leadership positions (i.e. representing others’ interests) impacts men and women differently. This could help explain the persistent gender gaps in leadership, and why you might be holding yourself back on your leadership journey.

Whether it is representing employees and investors of a company and competing for market share or representing voters and stakeholders in political office and competing for resources, the responsibility of representing the economic interests of others is a key feature of many top-level leadership positions.

In this research study, I examined the role that being a ‘representative’ plays in the competition behavior of women and men.

Research Findings:

In a subject pool of similarly ambitious and qualified men and women, just as men and women in leadership positions, I found that when only representing themselves, women and men show similar competition behavior and confidence.

However, when charged with the responsibility of being a 'representative', female ‘representatives’ were less likely to enter into competitions than male ‘representatives’ and self-representing women.

The leaning back of female ‘representatives’ from competition entry as compared to self-representing women is largely attributed to these women experiencing lower levels of confidence and being less likely to enter a competition when they guessed their performance to be less than the best.

This suggests that women's other-regarding preferences may be at play, with women being concerned about the payoff to their ‘constituent’ if they are not the top performer.

Furthermore, compared to male ‘representatives’, female ‘representatives’ were significantly less confident in their abilities, which explained the gender gap in competition entry amongst other-representing individuals.

Insights for Your Leadership Journey:

The findings suggest that perhaps the prospect of having to engage in future competition and represent others (a key feature of most leadership positions) may deter women from pursuing positions that require the representation role. If so, this could help explain the persistent gender gaps in leadership and could relate to you as well.

I invite you to take a few minutes to reflect on your own leadership journey. Have you ever held yourself back from taking more responsibility, pursuing a leadership role, or starting a venture or expanding the one you already have? Did your hesitations involve the fear of disappointing or inadvertently hurting others—family, friends, investors, employees, or other stakeholders?

Give yourself a moment to appreciate your capacity to care for others. This trait doesn’t put you at a disadvantage but, in fact, signifies your worthiness for leadership positions and the responsibilities they carry.

It is caring and compassionate people like you who are meant to step into positions of power, because when you are there, you will not just be thinking of yourself and how much you will gain, you will be concerned about the impact of your decisions and behaviors on others.

But I know that if you truly care, this responsibility can feel heavy, scary, and daunting at times, which could impact your confidence and hold you back.

The reality is that as a leader (and a human being), you will make mistakes, have setbacks, and disappoint others along the way – that is simply a natural and vital part of any growth process.

Unfortunately, we can be very hard on ourselves and our world can be harsh to women being less than perfect or making mistakes, especially if they are in positions of influence. While there is much to be done to heal our world and the systems that we operate in, there are two crucial steps that you can take to protect yourself and continue to propel yourself towards success (and help heal our world in the process).

The first, as I explained in my previous letter, is being self-compassionate and cultivating safety within yourself, which will significantly influence your ability to lead authentically, to make mistakes, and to grow.

Self-compassion and having the capacity to hold yourself gently during periods of growth and discomfort is the cornerstone for your continued success.

Secondly, it is essential that you cultivate external safety and surround yourself with light-filled and love-filled people who you know will have your back, hold you with love, and lift you up, especially during challenging times. Having individuals in your life who nourish you and with whom you can safely be raw and vulnerable with is absolutely critical to your success and thriving as a leader. Finding these people and cultivating these relationships is one of the best investments you can ever make. You are not meant to be in this alone and you don’t have to be.

Additionally, both of these steps support your nervous system, which has a huge impact on your overall wellbeing and how show up in the world. I will write about this more soon, but for now, I hope this letter inspires you to prioritize creating internal and external safety for yourself and that you keep on growing, leading, and sharing your light with the world.

May you always be supported (internally and externally), and may you continue to thrive!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

Four Keys to Embodying Self-Compassion

Dear friends,

Today, I’m sharing essential insights on a topic that is very close to my heart: self-compassion. Recently, a dear friend courageously opened up about his struggles with self-compassion. He also described facing an "insurmountable wall" due to decades of programming and conditioning that has led him to be extremely critical and cruel to himself.

His experience resonated so much with my past struggles, and I know that being kind to ourselves is something that most people find incredibly challenging.

However, just because being unkind and overly critical of ourselves is a common condition, it doesn’t mean that it is a healthy one. Developing a healthy relationship with ourselves, where we feel safe, seen, heard, held, understood, valued, appreciated, and nurtured within ourselves, is the most important investment we could ever make. It impacts our nervous system, our mental health, physical health, overall wellbeing, and our capacity to grow, reach our goals with joy, fulfill our real purpose, and build healthy relationships outside of ourselves. It forms the basis for how authentically we can show up in the world, and how we love, parent, create, and lead.

The practice of self-compassion is a powerful gateway into healing our relationship with ourselves and I dive into how to thrive with self-compassion and the ins and outs of the practice in my podcast conversation with renowned psychologist and the pioneer in self-compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff - you can listen to it here.

In this letter, I want to share four essential keys you need to overcome the “insurmountable wall” of old programming and embrace self-compassion today. Let’s dive in!

1. Recognize the itty bitty shitty committee. We all have internalized voices from our past experiences, caretakers, teachers, and social programming and they just love to constantly let us know how we are not enough, screwing up, and falling short. You may think that this committee of inner critics is necessary to push you and challenge you and to keep you on track, but would you ever be this way with a friend or child that you adore? I hope not. The itty bitty shitty committee is scaring you (and some would say abusing you) into obedience instead of nourishing and guiding you into becoming the most powerful and expansive version of yourself. Start to observe your thoughts and recognize when the itty bitty shitty committee has been activated (in my case, it used to be all day every day!). Know that you are not your thoughts. You are the conscious awareness that has the capacity to witness thoughts. Developing the capacity to distinguish between the real you and the itty bitty shitty committee is essential to healing your internal environment and practicing self-compassion. Having a consistent meditation practice will help you train your mind and access this space more and more over time. Start with just 10 minutes a day, and start today!

2. Understand and direct your inner critics. Here is the good news: your inner critics are actually trying to keep you safe. They are not your enemy, they are scared for you and have very limited tools to communicate with you. As a result, their way of communicating is usually through fear. They will scare and demoralize you into obedience and being stuck repeating old patterns (even if those old patterns are limiting you) because they are familiar, therefore, predictable and to them: safe. Now that you know this, when you notice the itty bitty shitty committee chime in, you can turn towards them like you would turn to a real committee. You don’t need to fight or argue with them. Your job is to thank them for sharing and let them know that their concerns are heard and taken into consideration, and reassure them that you will do everything you can to protect yourself and grow as you keep taking a step forward. Now, instead of letting the itty bitty shitty committee take over and run the show, you are showing up as the powerful leader that you are and steering the way.

3. Forget about dismantling and focus on building. Don’t overwhelm yourself by believing you need to dismantle decades (and possibly generations) of programming. This will keep you stuck. Instead, focus on building the new and nurturing neural pathways that lead you to meet yourself with kindness, just like you would meet a child or friend that you adore. The more you focus on building new programming and neglecting the old, the more the old will start to break down and become obsolete on its own. This isn’t about denying old traumas and programming by the way. It is about how you choose to show up for yourself right now. In fact, as you build this new foundation and start to feel safer with yourself, old unresolved traumas may finally have the space to come to the surface to be healed. And each time they are met with your presence, curiosity, compassion, and acknowledgement, you will release more of the old programming and fortify your new path even more. So release the need to dismantle the old way of being and start walking towards being kind to yourself right now.

4. Make it simple for yourself. The transition to embodying self-compassion will obviously take some time, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. You already know how to be kind to others, you just need to consistently practice turning that kindness inwards until it becomes your normal way of being. Take tiny small steps every day and trust that over time, these steps will compound. I recommend listening to a guided self-compassion or metta meditation daily (there are many on youtube, here is an example) and spending a few minutes with The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. Your journey is unique to you so start with what resonates and feels accessible to you. Make it simple and commit to consistently showing up for yourself with kindness every single day.

Remember, you're not alone on this journey and that this is the most important work you’ll ever do. You are worth the effort and you deserve to feel safe and supported within yourself. Keep going and encourage others to join as well.

I also want to take a moment to express how proud I am of my friend for having the courage to start this journey. Even though I mostly use my voice to talk about women’s struggles, I have so much compassion for men, especially those who are suffering in silence. While men have a lot of privileges in our world, it is rare that they experience the types of vulnerable and emotionally safe spaces we women tend to create with each other in our friendships and communities.

May more and more men find the courage to do the inner work and create safe spaces to support their healing.

And may we all continue to practice self-compassion and thrive!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

Four Empowering lessons from the Sunrise

Dear Friends,

I'm excited to reconnect with you through my updated bi-weekly “Thrive Letters,” where I share inspired guidance and nourishment to help you thrive as the leaders and changemakers our world desperately needs.

As I write to you, I'm traveling and reflecting on my recent weeks spent by the Mediterranean Sea. I've been painfully aware that I’m not too far from an ongoing war that is claiming more human lives every single day. Now more than ever, we need leaders who are safe spaces and have the capacity to facilitate healing and growth, and who can guide humanity to an elevated state of awareness and existence.

That’s where we come in, so let’s dive into today’s letter!

I've spent most mornings here soaking up the sunrise, and it has offered me four powerful insights that I want to share with you to fuel your journey:

1. Not everyone may immediately see or appreciate your light and brilliance, show up and be true to yourself anyway. When the sun is rising, most people are asleep and don’t even notice the amazing miracle and beauty of a sunrise. Yet, the sun still shows up fully every single day and it has a powerful impact — just like you as you lean into your authenticity and keep showing up.

2. Not everyone will be open to directly receiving your light, shine your light anyway. The sun’s radiance is too bright for some, yet there are those who eagerly soak up its warmth. Even those who block the sun with sunglasses and shade still benefit from its nourishing effects on the earth. The sun knows its purpose and it doesn’t adjust its light to make anyone comfortable, and neither should you.

3. There will be cloudy days, thunderstorms, and distractions that seek to block your light from reaching those that need you, keep yourself warm and shine anyway. The sun isn’t attached to others’ judgements and perceptions, so just like the sun, stay anchored in who you are and why you are here. Zoom out and trust that clouds and thunderstorms will pass. Your presence still matters, and your light will reach those who need it in perfect time. And those who are meant to be aware of you, even in the midst of stormy days, will be.

4. Prioritize filling yourself up with your own light and love before giving to others. The sun shines so bright because it is overflowing with energy and its warmth reaches us even though we are 93 million miles away. To sustain your brightness, you must prioritize taking care of yourself and pouring into yourself first. Fuel, nourish, and energize yourself and your light, love, and compassion will effortlessly flow out of you and have ripple effects beyond what you can imagine to be possible.

And remember, the same force that created the sun also created you—that is how valuable and powerful you are.

But unlike the sun, we weren’t created to orbit on our own. We are meant to be supported and to support others and I hope these letters continue to nourish you on your journey — please also share them with fellow leaders you care about and invite them to subscribe.

May you continue to shine and thrive!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

What Your Setbacks Are Telling You

Dear Friends,

Many of us get discouraged when we are ready for a new level of expansion and then we are hit with a return of old challenges that we thought we had overcome.

But what if I told you that there is a powerful reason behind these setbacks?

In fact, they could be a sign that you are about to level up and be launched into a whole new chapter.

Think of it like this:

Right before a rocket launch happens, we do a final test of all the systems to make sure that everything is ready for a successful launch.

The final “testing” at this point isn’t about identifying weaknesses or placing additional pressure, but about solidifying our confidence in the launch.

The same happens in our lives and businesses.

Right before we are launched into a whole new experience and new level of expansion, some past challenges may resurface to remind us of how much we’ve grown and how much more capable we are.

We notice how we respond differently to them now. We notice how they don’t throw us into a tailspin like they would have before. And we notice how we are able to keep showing up and taking aligned action despite feeling anxious or scared.

This is to show us how far we’ve come. This is to prepare us to feel more confident about receiving what is coming next.

So if you are seeing challenges, fears, doubts, and difficult people from the past popping up all of a sudden as you are about to embark on a whole new chapter or venture, don’t get discouraged.

You are on the right tack.

You are not going backwards; you are realigning, you are solidifying, and you are preparing to spring forward.

Keep breathing and take gentle care of yourself as you move through these last hurdles. Trust in your abilities to overcome these setbacks and step into your confidence for what is becoming possible for you.

And remember to stay focused as you prepare to launch into the next chapter of your journey.

You are much closer to than you think.

Sending you lots of love and gratitude,

Maliheh

The Ultimate Key to Increasing Your Impact

(Hi everyone, It is my birthday week and I’m away celebrating. Today, I’m sharing a letter that I wrote a while ago, but the insights here have been coming up A LOT in my advising practice lately. So I thought we could all use a refresher. I hope this is a timely reminder for you. Enjoy!)

Dear Friends,

We all aspire toward “being the change” we wish to see in the world, yet, many individuals have major blindspots in this area, which gets in their way of making the impact they want to make.

I once had a client who was a passionate founder and entrepreneur working hard to support and nourish mothers through technology, but she was feeling depleted and lost.

The main issue was that she completely forgot about nourishing the most important mother of all: herself!

Once she committed to making herself a priority, she was able to find herself again and it led to redesigning her life and how she ran her organization. She began to thrive and so did her business of nourishing others.

To maximize your impact, you need to fully embody the change you want to create in the world from the inside out - both for yourself and your organization.

It is about deeply examining how you treat yourself and everyone in your life, and how you run your organization.

This may seem daunting at first, but if you turn toward this internal exploration with curiosity, self-compassion, and optimism, it can lead to an exciting, fulfilling, and incredibly rewarding transformational process.

It can also propel the success and impact of your organization.

Generally, the internal conditions of the founders, leaders, teams, and the systems that are in place will be reflected in the level of external success or failure of any organization or business.

Unfortunately, many organizations focus on “making it happen” out in the world, while neglecting how they are “making it happen” internally. This can lead to a lot of turmoil.

If your mission is not deeply aligned with your actions in all areas of your life and leadership, then life will likely keep sending you challenges to alert you.

Hopefully, you will be paying attention and these challenges can guide you and your organization to redirect and realign.

For example, another client of mine was a driven leader of a women’s empowerment organization, but she was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and her days were filled with putting out one fire after another just to keep herself and her organization afloat.

She was trying to empower others, but she wasn’t empowering herself to ask for the support that she needed and her employees were not feeling empowered to talk about what was going wrong inside the organization.

Thankfully, she was able to realize this just in time. Once she created a safe space for her employees to share and be vulnerable and allowed herself to lean on them for support, together, they were able to fix the structural issues that were hindering their growth and impact.

So when you are trying to create a positive change in the world, but are met with lots of struggle and turmoil, I hope you get curious about looking inward.

Evaluate how you can better bring that change into your own life and organization and make sure you embody it from the inside out.

When you and your organization are truly aligned with your mission, then your work of fulfilling that mission will flow with greater ease and joy.

That’s the #1 key to increasing your impact and making the change you wish to see in the world: wholeheartedly embodying and modeling that change in ALL areas of your life and organization.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” from the inside out and the change may come even sooner than you imagine!

Best wishes to you on this powerful journey,

Maliheh

The Secret to Maximizing Your Efficiency

Dear Friends,

In today’s letter, I’m going to share the secret to maximizing your efficiency (and impact).

A new client approached me recently, wanting my help to become more “efficient” and “strategic.” She is a brilliant and passionate CEO who was feeling very overwhelmed and felt that she was getting stretched too thin - this is a common reality for many people, CEO or not.

We could have started with making a list of everything on her plate and figured out what she needed to release, prioritize, and delegate, etc... And that is a very important exercise, but one that I knew she was more than capable of doing herself. So if she was struggling with this, then something deeper was going on.

And there was: her nervous system was dysregulated. She was stuck in survival mode and couldn’t access her creative thinking and higher-level problem-solving abilities. She was operating and acting out of fear, and it was draining her energy and causing more problems and inefficiencies for her and her business.

Naturally, addressing this became an urgent priority for us because, without this foundation, even the most brilliant business and leadership strategy would fall by the wayside.

So to be your most "efficient" self, the main “strategy” you need is to be very proactive about keeping your nervous system regulated so you can think creatively and stay focused on taking aligned action.

If we take action when we are feeling disconnected from ourselves and are fueled by our worries and fears instead of our purpose, vision, values, and deeper knowing, that’s where we create the most inefficiency in our lives, careers, and businesses.

When we take aligned action, however, each step can be exponentially more impactful in ensuring our long-term safety and thriving - piercing through the fog of confusion, chaos, and uncertainty.

This is about developing the capacity and having the space to align and focus even in the midst of the most violent storms, but I want to emphasize that this doesn’t imply being slow and passive. Sometimes you do need to decide, act, and move fast, but you can still be grounded and aligned as you do.

And sometimes, you need to put out some big fires first to create the space for the nervous system to calm down, and that’s why bringing in a grounding and strategic presence is essential and why I’m so passionate about my work.

The leaders I work with are all incredibly capable and amazing, but even the most remarkable people struggle to see clearly when they are in the thick of it and are being stretched too thin. I’m thankful that I get to be a safe harbor where I hold a light and help my clients refuel, realign, and strategize to take actions that maximize their efficiency and impact.

Every person and situation is different, but in my upcoming letters, I’ll share some general steps for how you can get to this regulated, connected, and aligned space and, most importantly, how to stay there.

For now, I hope this is a helpful reminder to prioritize calming and regulating your nervous system, finding stillness, and connecting with your inner being - even if it is just for five minutes a day.

It is in this space that we can tap into our creativity and find the solutions we need.

It is from this space that we can take aligned action and maximize our efficiency.

And it is from this space that we can create significant shifts and amplify our impact.

It is also from this space that I write my letters to you - and always with love and gratitude,

Maliheh

One Key Way to Build Unshakable Confidence

Dear Friends,

It took me a long time to realize that confidence is not something we are born with; rather, it is something we can intentionally build and nurture within ourselves. 

At its core, building unshakable genuine confidence is about developing self-trust. And one key way to start building self-trust and our confidence is by consistently keeping our promises to ourselves. 

Many of us have no problem focusing on honoring the commitments we make to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we may struggle to prioritize them and end up making compromises.

However, when we make commitments to ourselves and follow through with them, we send a powerful message to our minds:

"I am reliable, capable, and worthy." 

This process builds self-trust, rewires our brains to start noticing our competence, and lays a solid foundation for unshakable confidence.

Here are four examples of how keeping promises to yourself can help build your confidence:

1. Self-Care Routine: By honoring our commitment to a simple self-care routine that grounds, energizes, and nourishes us, we not only prioritize our well-being but also build trust and confidence in our ability to take care of ourselves.

2. Skill Development: Setting clear goals and dedicating time to acquire new skills that pique our curiosity (such as public speaking, negotiation, or learning a new language) expands our capabilities and boosts our confidence in our ability to adapt, learn, and grow.

3. Boundaries: Whether it's saying "no" to tasks that don't align with our goals or establishing a healthy work-life balance, honoring our boundaries helps strengthen our confidence in making decisions that support our needs and priorities.

4. Networking and Relationship-building: By proactively reaching out to new connections or nurturing existing relationships (such as connecting with one person a day), we not only strengthen our social connections but also cultivate confidence in our ability to connect and collaborate with others.

Each promise we honor contributes to our personal growth and strengthens our trust in ourselves and our abilities. The more consistent we are in honoring our commitments, the more our confidence will flourish.

Ultimately, what’s important to remember is that building unshakable confidence is not something that happens overnight. It is a process, and it starts with developing self-trust. The best way to cultivate self-trust is by keeping our promises to ourselves.

So, start right now!

Identify one promise you want to make to yourself and begin honoring it today.

Keep showing up for yourself, and before you know it, your efforts will be reflected in the increased confidence with which you will show up in the world!

Sending you lots of love and gratitude,

Maliheh

The Life-Changing Impact of Presence and Curiosity

Dear Friends,

There is truly nothing like finding a line of work that nourishes us, energizes us, and makes us come alive.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have experienced this and I’m going to share with you how it all happened in today’s letter.

I used to think it was all by sheer coincidence. But now I can see that it was because I was able to be fully present and curious.

The best way to illustrate this is to tell you the full story, so here we go:

Years ago, I was in Nairobi, Kenya on a World Bank assignment. One day, I was waiting for the elevator in a building I was visiting. It was a super slow elevator and there was a woman next to me waiting as well. I noticed that she was holding her lunch and it hadn’t been touched, and it was 3 PM. I turned to her and said, “Late lunch?”

She said, “Yes. It’s been a crazy day.”

So I asked her what was going on. It turned out that she was the executive director of a women’s empowerment organization and had just come back from giving a talk at an event. 

Naturally, I was intrigued. I was curious to hear about her organization, the projects they were working on, and how they were helping women in Kenya. So I shared with her how passionate I am about women’s empowerment and asked her if she would be open to meeting with me and talking more. Thankfully, she said yes. 

A couple of days later, we met for what was supposed to be a 30-minute meeting over coffee. It turned into a 4-hour meeting of hearts and minds.

I shared my journey and she shared hers. We couldn’t believe our similar experiences and how much an Iranian-American woman and a Kenyan woman could have in common.

I kept following my curiosity and started asking her questions about her work and the organization: their strategy, focus areas, how they are evaluating their programs, how the teams work together, etc... 

Suddenly she paused and said, “You know… as we are talking, I’m realizing that I never have time to think about these questions. Most of the time, I’m just trying to get through the day.”

I felt for her and I said, “Yeah, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. You have a board to answer to, funds to raise, projects to oversee, employees to support, public appearances to make, and you are a single mom. You are supporting everyone. I’m curious, who is supporting you?” 

She looked at me with a blank stare and said, “What do you mean?”

So I clarified: “Who is there for you? Who do you vent to? Brainstorm with? Strategize with? Who do you go to for advice? Who can you be vulnerable with? Who is looking out for you?”

She took a pause, lowered her gaze, and replied, “No one.”

I was shocked and speechless.

She continued, “To be honest, most of the time I feel like everyone is waiting for me to mess up and fail. So I can’t show that I’m ever struggling with anything.”

Hearing that broke my heart and I felt like my head was about to explode. My whole career up until that point was focused on amplifying the message “We need more women in leadership”, but I found myself thinking: “What’s the point if women finally get there and burn out because they are not being supported?”

I was sitting there looking at this super intelligent, passionate, soulful, and capable woman who was doing important work in the world but she seemed to be hanging on by a thread. She felt completely alone.

So I said to her, “I know you just met me, but if you’ll let me, I’m happy to be that person for you.”

Her eyes lit up, she leaned back in her chair and took a sigh of relief as if the weight of the world was just lifted off of her. “Oh my God, where did you come from?” She asked with a smile. 

And with that, we got started. We met a few more times in person while I was in Kenya, then we continued talking over Skype. 

Every time I had a call with her, I felt like I was getting plugged into a supercharger. Seeing her light up and thrive, nourished and energized me in a way that I had never experienced before. Within a few months of us working together, I saw her transform before my eyes. She stepped into her authentic power, improved her organization’s culture, won over the board, and was increasing the impact of her organization on Kenyan women’s lives.

I was using all of my skills and pouring them into her mind, heart, and spirit. I felt so alive and so did she. That’s when I knew I was on to something and I began a whole new career path that nourished my soul and made my heart sing.

But as I shared with you in my last letter, it hasn’t been without its challenges. Over time, outside voices and forces started creeping in. I lost my way, felt boxed in, and I almost gave it all up.

Now, after having taken a break from my advising practice, it feels like I’m literally starting over and just returning from Kenya again. So I’m beginning anew and I’m focusing on doing more of what makes me come alive, which is to support as many women leaders as I can.

That’s why, I’m offering complimentary sessions to female founders, CEOs, and executives who are leading women-focused businesses, organizations, or initiatives.

If you are a woman leader who shares my passion for making the world a better place for women and is feeling curious about how I work, I invite you to trust your curiosity and schedule a session with me. We’ll tackle anything that is weighing on you, you feel stuck on, you are reaching toward, or anything else that is present for you and your organization. I can’t wait to hold space for you and help you shine even more!

For all of my other amazing friends here, I hope this story inspires you to stay present and curious. If you want more on this topic, check out my podcast conversation with Anousheh Ansari, the CEO of XPRIZE Foundation. In this episode, Anousheh shares how her curiosity led her to find her passion and become the first female private space explorer and astronaut.

The key message here is that life is ALWAYS directing and redirecting us to share our unique gifts and talents in a way that benefits others and honors our own thriving. All we need to do is to pay attention, which I admit, is increasingly difficult to do these days…

In fact, I’ve often thought about how if I was scrolling on my phone when I was standing by the elevator in Kenya, I would have missed the incredible opportunity to connect with this woman who ended up changing my life. I really hope we move toward prioritizing presence and connection again because that’s where the magic happens.

And I’m going to leave you today with one of my favorite quotes:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

— Howard Thurman

May we all stay present and curious, and do more of what makes us come alive!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh