The Powerful Purpose of Losing Your Way

Dear friends,

We can all lose our way. With all the distractions and pressures of life, it is only human to forget our purpose, our why, our voice, or even ourselves from time to time. It can feel incredibly frustrating, draining, and confusing, but we must remember that losing our way also serves a powerful purpose.

I came to this realization because I lost my way for quite some time. 

I started my journey with a clear vision and deep passion to help women heal from this system that has been designed by men for men in a different era. I saw my mission as helping women remember and embody their own power, and redesigning our world to better meet women’s needs. 

In the service of this mission, I started writing a book, creating a podcast featuring my conversations with world-renowned women pioneers, and advising women leaders who shared my passion for improving women’s lives. I was rolling, flowing, and feeling energized by everything I was doing, and I couldn’t believe how it was coming together.

But then, the external voices, pressures, and forces slowly started to creep in. Before I knew it, I had lost my larger mission and everything I did became about catering exclusively to the advising work. 

I felt stuck and struggled to create. I kept experimenting but was met with wall after wall. I felt boxed in. At one point, I even decided to give it all up because I was feeling so limited and couldn’t see a way forward that was aligned with who I am.

I’ll leave the story of how I found my way through for another time, though I have been sharing some of the key lessons I’ve learned in my recent letters to you. But now that I’m mostly on the other side of this (I’m still taking it one day at a time), I see why this “detour” was an essential part of my journey.

I originally had the vision and passion, but I didn’t have the necessary capacity to carry it forward in a sustainable way. However, in all those times when I felt confused, lost, and frustrated, I had to meet myself and my challenges at a much deeper level than ever before. I was identifying and shedding blocks that I didn’t even know were there but were holding me back. In doing so, I was also expanding and sharpening my toolkit.

As I look back on this time, I now see that I wasn’t lost. I was being prepared.

In fact, I found that “getting lost” serves a powerful purpose. During the process of searching and trying to find our way, we gain perspectives, strengths, and tools that we need to solidify our foundation and increase our capacity to build. And through ongoing trials and tribulations, we are honed, refined, and prepared to step into a more authentic expression of how we are meant to serve.

Unfortunately, this is not a smooth and comfortable process - growth never is. That is why it is super important to practice self-compassion and lean on the right people for support.

If you are ever feeling lost, I hope you’ll remember to be gentle with yourself, connect with your inner being, allow yourself to be nourished by your support team, and get super curious about what you could be clearing out and learning. This can be a time for immense growth and transformation if you choose to be fully present for it.

Trust your journey, trust where you are right now, stay curious, and know that you are not really lost.

You are leveling up! You are becoming better equipped and more prepared to receive what your soul has been calling for. 

As for me… Thankfully, I’ve never felt more connected to my “why” as I do now. I am focused on my vision, taking inspired aligned action, flowing, and creating again.

And one of the greatest gifts I received during this “detour” is the realization that I’m not doing any of this alone. So many of you have been here for me and your messages and support have kept me going. I am so grateful for your presence and hope that we continue to lift each other up while helping more women shine, thrive, and change our world for the better.

Onwards and upwards we go!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

Four Mindset Shifts to Break Free From Fear

Dear Friends,

Today’s letter was inspired by a post I recently wrote on LinkedIn. It resonated with a lot of individuals so I wanted to expand on it and share it with you all as well. This is a more personal letter than usual, but I hope that by sharing these struggles, you’ll know that you are not alone and feel inspired to keep investing in yourself. Here it goes:

Like so many people, I spent most of my life terrified of not being enough and living in constant fear.

We all mask it in different ways. In my case, my masks were overachieving (e.g. college at 14, World Bank at 18, Harvard by 22), perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

I had no idea who I was underneath it all. Life kept pushing me to my breaking point mentally, emotionally, and physically until I finally woke up, started to get curious about what was really going on, and turned inward.

It has taken years of deep exploration to get to know myself, heal my relationship with myself, and finally flow with ease (and I’m still a work in progress).

Throughout this process, I adopted four beliefs that were instrumental in helping me break free:

• I am enough.

• I am worthy of peace, ease, and joy.

• I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment.

• Whatever is meant for me is arriving in perfect timing.

These statements started out as affirmations/reminders that I used to say to myself in the mirror a couple of times a day, every day. At one point, I had written them on Post-it notes and they were all over my living space. But saying these affirmations only provided momentary relief.

I needed to get to the root of why these statements did not ring true for me. As I continued exploring and healing at a deeper level, my mind eventually started to make new neural pathways and these words started to seep into my psyche and way of being.

This was not an easy process. In fact, it has been the hardest work I’ve ever done.

Adopting these beliefs meant shedding a lot of old ones.

It meant understanding my traumas and healing the parts of myself that were stuck in all that fear.

It meant a lot of practice, patience, self-compassion, and gentleness.

It meant allowing myself to be vulnerable and lean on others for support.

It meant healing my nervous system and learning to feel safe to live fully in the present moment.

It meant sitting with myself in solitude and remembering what my inner being already knew.

It meant stepping into a new way of BEING.

It meant stepping into faith and living in alignment with who I am and my values.

It also meant letting go of anyone and anything that did not support my new way of being and feeling all the grief that accompanied this transition.

It meant becoming lighter and finding ease in my mind, body, heart, and spirit.

It meant finally being able to be in my body, feel my toes in the sand, enjoy the ocean breeze on my face, and simply be... be at peace with myself.

I wholeheartedly wish this for you and for anyone who may be struggling out there.

Please know that you are not alone. Please know you are worth this effort and it is the best investment you could ever make.

You are enough.

You are worthy of peace, ease, and joy.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment.

And whatever is meant for you is arriving in perfect timing.

Keep filling yourself up with love, kindness, and gentleness, and know that it is your own light that will guide you home to your truest and freest self.

Sending so much love to you all!

Maliheh

The Gift of Negative Emotions

Dear friends,

So many of us are missing out on receiving a transformational gift from our “negative” emotions.

While they are definitely uncomfortable and painful to feel, “negative” emotions like anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, and fear are a sign that your internal guidance system is in working order.

Through “negative” emotions, your inner being is trying to get your attention and help you redirect, realign, and level up.

Just like physical pain and bruising alert you to the existence of a physical injury and guide you toward rehabilitation and healing, the same is true for emotional pain and discomfort.

If we accept that feeling peace and ease is our natural state and our birthright, then any emotion that is not bringing us peace and ease is there to guide us back to this natural state. 

What is fascinating though is that we don’t go back to our original state of peace and ease. We keep leveling up to higher and higher levels and deeper and deeper experiences of peace and ease that we didn’t know was possible before. This is by natural design to support our continuous growth and evolution.

Therefore, when negative emotions arise, they are alerting us to what is holding us back from living our best lives and fulfilling our purpose with greater ease and joy. These could be:

• Needs of ours that are not being met

• Limiting beliefs that we are unaware of having

• An area of growth that we weren’t ready to face before

• Unprocessed traumas that are keeping us stuck in a state of fear and lack

• Unhealthy relationships and environments that are not supporting our growth

• Opportunities that are not aligned with our core values and who we truly are

Unfortunately, many of us are either numbing or escaping our negative emotions. This is for many reasons which can include:

• We never developed the capacity to feel them so having negative emotions scare us

• We are told that we are weak/wrong/broken/bad if we have negative emotions by a culture that is constantly pushing for toxic positivity

• We fear that others will judge us for having negative emotions

• We judge ourselves for having negative emotions

• We are afraid that if we pay attention to them that we’ll attract more negative experiences (I find this to be common amongst people in the spiritual community)

As someone who grew up being told that I’m being “ungrateful” and literally letting God down if I have negative emotions, trust me, I know how hard making the shift can be. But expanding your emotional capacity and learning how to take loving care of your inner self is truly the best investment you could ever make.

Our negative emotions gift us with the invitation to connect more deeply with ourselves and break through to the next level of what’s possible for us. They bring with them priceless data that fuel our self-discovery and transformation.

They are also a natural part of the richness of the human experience. The more deeply we allow ourselves to explore and feel our “negative” emotions, the more we level up our capacity to feel fully alive, enjoy our “positive” emotions, and develop greater empathy for others - we can meet people only as deeply as we’ve met ourselves.

It all starts with having self-compassion and cultivating curiosity. Hold yourself with gentleness and get curious about what you are feeling and what these emotions are trying to tell you. They are ALWAYS bringing a valuable message and a gift for you - even if that is to practice simply feeling your emotions at first or building your courage and learning to take a step forward as you feel and move with your fear.

This isn’t about wallowing in our emotions, reacting to them, and being consumed by them. This is about befriending them, getting to know them, and appreciating them for the gift they offer as they guide us to a place of greater ease and higher alignment with our inner being.

Rumi says it best in his poem, “The Guest House”:

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

May this letter remind you to start receiving and befriending all of your emotions. 

May you allow your guest house to be prepared and cleared out for new delights.

And may you continue redirecting, aligning, and leveling up!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

P.S. For more resources and examples on cultivating self-compassion and emotional agility, please check out my podcasts with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Susan David.)

Six Essential Reminders for Navigating Difficult Transitions

Dear friends,

Let’s talk about the “messy middle”.

As we all know, any new decision, venture, or pivot can bring about volatility and uncertainty. How we deal with the contractions, expansions, twists, turns, ups, and downs along the way (i.e. “the messy middle”) makes all the difference in how we make it to the other side.

Here are six reminders to help you if you are going through a messy and difficult transitional period in your life, career, and/or business:

1. Accept the mess. Messes are a part of life. You don’t get the gorgeous May flowers without the messy April showers. Also, as the old adage goes: what you resist, persists. So accept the mess. It is here and the only way past it is to move through it. And remember that messes may not necessarily be a sign that things are falling apart, but that they are falling into place – reorganizing and finding a new and improved order that is better aligned with where you are going (see the example I share below).

2. Remember that nothing in life is permanent. The rain will stop, the storms will pass, and the sun will shine again. Know that you are capacious enough to move through whatever “messy” situation you are dealing with right now and that it will not last forever - nothing in life does. So this will pass no matter what and it is up to you to decide whether or not you want to add to your pain and suffering. I hope you’ll choose to stop catastrophizing and scaring yourself, instead:

3. Find moments of stillness and hold yourself with gentleness and self-compassion. I wrote about this in my previous letter, but it is worth emphasizing again. Please remember to breathe and be kind to yourself and your body. Breathe through the discomfort of not knowing or not seeing the way forward. These situations happen to all of us and they are not easy to move through. Let yourself feel the emotions that come up and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a child you adore.

4. Release your attachment to the “how”. Sometimes it is really hard to see how things will work out when we are in the thick of a super messy situation. We can spend a lot of energy trying to work out the “how” and not make any progress. It is important to remember that if you are moving into a new stage of growth and a higher equilibrium, your old ways of thinking, being, and doing will not necessarily be sufficient anymore. If you’ve been busy building ships and now you want to build a rocketship, you’ll need new tools and to rethink the way you’ll be using the old ones. So let go of needing to know exactly how things will work out and do this instead:

5. Get curious and look for the lessons. Everything that happens brings opportunities for growth, especially messy transitions. Try to process this experience from a higher level of consciousness and get curious about the lessons it may be offering you. This could be an invitation to shed mindsets, behaviors, and patterns that are no longer serving you or your business. They could be coming up to be processed and cleared out of the way so new and more aligned ways of leading, working, and creating can be incorporated. The sooner you extract and apply the lessons, the more quickly you’ll be able to move through this period.

6. Reach out for extra support. It is usually very difficult to zoom out and see the full picture when we are immersed in a difficult situation. I know from my own experience that having safe spaces to turn to where I feel seen and heard and can gain new perspectives has been invaluable. I’ve also seen the difference it makes for my clients who are all incredibly capable individuals. So please give yourself permission to receive, to be held, and to be supported. You matter and you are strong and smart for taking care of yourself and investing in your growth.

I hope you find comfort in these words as I know how incredibly uncomfortable and painful transitions can be. 

It may also be helpful to remember that as you are elevating your life, career, and/or business to new heights, the “messy middle” is likely creating the necessary conditions for you to shed the old and expand your capacity to receive the new.

Here is an example that can help bring all of this together for us: 

I once had a client who came to me hoping to take her company to its next level of growth. A few days later, a key member of her team submitted their two-week notice and chaos ensued. My client hadn’t seen this coming and she reached out to me feeling very distraught and overwhelmed. 

I said to her, “Do you remember asking for growth and expansion?”

“Umm… yeah”, she responded.

I continued, “Well, you can’t have expansions without contractions. As painful and shocking as this feels right now, space is opening up for the next level of growth.”

She got curious.

We then dived into what she can learn about this team member’s departure and strategized for what could be next.

I helped her see how the situation presented her with the perfect opportunity to reorganize and even redefine her role. So instead of hiring for the same position, she shuffled around some of the responsibilities and was able to create a new position, one where she could hand off the tasks that were draining her to someone who would enjoy doing them.

This freed her up to focus on the company’s growth and the aspects of her job that nourished and energized her. Within a few weeks, the right person showed up to fill the new position and my client and her team continued thriving and took the company to the next stage of growth more quickly than they thought was possible.

So the next time you find yourself going through a “messy middle”, please remember to be self-compassionate, give yourself the space to zoom out, get curious about the lessons and the opportunities, and release your attachments to the “how”. Things may just end up working out better than you expected them to!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

What to Do When You've Hit a Wall

(I was catching up with a dear friend yesterday and her current situation as a leader inspired today’s letter. I hope you all find these insights helpful!)

Dear friends,

We live in a world that is constantly pushing us to be productive and move forward every single day.

But sometimes we hit a wall and don’t know how to move forward. For example, we encounter a problem that we don’t know how to solve, or we face a challenge that we don’t know how to overcome, or our creative ideas seem to have run out.

This can happen to any of us. But for those in leadership positions, this uncomfortable state is commonly made more difficult by the weight of responsibility and the extra pressure to know the answers, respond quickly, and pave the way for everyone else.

In these situations, we may feel defeated and frustrated for being stuck. Fear and insecurity can also take hold of us and we can resort to forcing, gritting, and grinding, which will likely be counterproductive. We may end up going around in circles or hitting even more walls while draining our energy.

Instead, this may be a time for slowing down, finding stillness, and receiving even more self-compassion and gentleness.

Like everyone else, you are allowed to learn and grow. It is okay to hit a wall. It is okay to not have the answers. It is okay to run out of ideas.

I know this is an uncomfortable space to be in, but it helps to remember that it is not permanent - nothing in life is. Our capacity to breathe through the discomfort of not knowing, practice self-compassion, and allow ourselves to be still will make all the difference in how we move forward.

In the space of stillness (even if it is just for a few minutes), you can pause and recognize that you have met an edge. You can get curious and appreciate that you are on the cusp of further learning and growth. And you can quiet your mind and listen deeply to your inner guidance to move forward with intention and alignment.

This may also be an opportunity to ask for additional support and a fresh perspective from an advisor or mentor and/or from your team. If you’ve built a psychologically safe culture that values learning and growth, then this is a great time to model authentic vulnerability and true leadership.

For example, you can share with your team that you are not exactly sure how to proceed at the moment, but you are excited about how you will all grow together from this experience. If you believe it will be helpful, you can then come together with your team to think through and brainstorm possible solutions and next steps. 

Being a leader isn’t about having all the answers, it is about having the courage to pave the way for continued learning and growth, including your own.

Ultimately, this “wall” you’ve encountered is not just here to make your life difficult. It is here to guide you and perhaps redirect you to greater clarity and further expansion, flow, ease, and success. It may also invite you to identify and clear out internal and external blocks and make space for new possibilities. 

So I hope the next time you hit a wall and meet an edge, you remember to pause, breathe, be kind to yourself, ask for support, and allow your authentic curiosity, creativity, and leadership to flow through you.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

How to Start Celebrating Yourself Every day

Dear friends,

Happy International Women’s Day!

While this is a beautiful day for celebrating women worldwide, we tend to overlook something very important: celebrating ourselves!

Celebrating yourself can be as elaborate as you want it to be or as simple as this life-changing self-gratitude practice: take two minutes to write down three things you appreciate about yourself (e.g. your abilities, skills, talents, personality traits, perspectives, and behaviors).

In fact, this is a practice that I would encourage you to incorporate into your daily routine.

We all know how powerful practicing gratitude can be (it improves well-being, life-satisfaction, reduces stress, and builds resilience). I’ve found that practicing self-gratitude can also help transform our relationship with ourselves and boost our confidence.

This doesn’t mean that you avoid your areas of growth or stop growing. On the contrary, it can help you appreciate your growth, celebrate your small wins along the way, and make more sustainable changes. 

But practicing self-gratitude can be a bit challenging in the beginning.

We generally have no problem pointing out all of our weaknesses and imperfections, but when it comes to identifying our strengths and qualities that we can appreciate about ourselves, we may feel silly and uncomfortable. Some of us may find it even difficult to come up with just one thing that we can appreciate about ourselves. If this is you, please be patient and kind to yourself. This is all simply because we haven’t trained our minds to look at ourselves in this way.

We can change this, starting today!

If you are already keeping a gratitude journal, I invite you to make the following additions/modifications to your practice, and if you are new to this, here is a great place to start your daily entry:

1. Three things I feel grateful for in my life today are…

2. Three things I appreciate about myself today are…

3. Today, I choose to lovingly show up for myself by…

The third prompt in the journal entry is to remind you to practice connecting with your needs and honoring them on a daily basis (feel free to review this previous letter for a simple guide).

You may even want to start by listing just one thing you feel grateful for about your life and yourself and build up from there. For example:

• One thing I appreciate about my life today is that I have the privilege of connecting with you all

• One thing that I appreciate about myself today is my positive outlook on life

• Today, I choose to lovingly show up for myself by giving myself some space to unplug and enjoy a long walk on the beach

With every entry, you are building new neural pathways, retraining your mind, and improving how you see and feel about yourself. Remember that the key is consistency. And the more you fill yourself up with self-gratitude and loving-kindness, the more you’ll be able to authentically share and give to others. 

I really hope you celebrate, appreciate, and lovingly show up for yourself today and every day. 

And please share this reminder with all the fabulous women in your life.

Happy International Women’s Day everyone!

Sending you so much love,

Maliheh

A Reason Behind Burnout That May Surprise You, and What it Takes to Heal

Dear friends,

Burnout is real. Many high-achieving individuals have either experienced it or are at risk for burnout. I’ve definitely been there and it has taken me years to recover and find a healthy balance in my life.

And the real reason behind my burnout may surprise you. It is something that I know many of us struggle with because of the way our world and systems are designed, and it could be putting you at risk for burnout.

I burned out not because I put too much on my plate or was pushing myself too hard. Yes, I did do those things, but they were just symptoms of a deeper issue.

The real reason I burned out was that I was living in fear. 

I was living in fear of not being enough, not doing enough, and disappointing myself and others.

This made it impossible for me to rest. In fact, I was incapable of resting without feeling incredibly guilty and anxious. At the core, pushing myself into overdrive was a trauma response, and it took me years to realize this.

Like many high-achieving women, I grew up in an environment where what I did and how I performed was valued more than who I was. So my self-worth became deeply tied to achieving, doing more, and seeking others’ approval. As a result, “resting” and being still did not feel safe for me. I was constantly in survival mode and driven by fear.

So I kept pushing myself and concepts like “self-compassion”, “setting boundaries”, “self-care”, and “rest” were completely foreign to me.

When I finally crashed and burned, I was forced to rest as my body wouldn’t allow me to do anything else. You wouldn’t think “resting” would be a challenging activity but when you’ve been deprived of it your whole life, learning to rest can feel incredibly scary and uncomfortable. I felt anxious and restless and wanted to crawl out of my skin. 

Healing from burnout meant learning to rest with ease (free of guilt and anxiety) and this was quite a process. It required a paradigm shift and healing myself and my life at a much deeper level than I initially thought.

I had to completely reprogram my mind and my nervous system and redesign my life. This involved many things, including:

• Learning to practice self-compassion

• Allowing myself to receive support from others

• Releasing judgments and old beliefs: I’m not lazy for resting, I’m not weak for needing to rest, I’m not selfish for taking time to rest and care for myself, I don’t need to be perfect, and my worth is not defined by my productivity, achievements, or others’ judgments or perceptions

• Embracing new beliefs: I matter, I’m worthy, and my worth was safe with me; a better way of living, working, and being is possible for me; I AM ENOUGH

• Learning that resting is not a luxury, but a necessity just like air, water, and food

• Stepping into my power and committing to learning about my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs and how to honor them and set healthy boundaries

• Training my body and nervous system to rest with ease, learning to breathe through the discomfort, and being patient with myself and this healing process

• Learning to work with greater ease and joy

• Learning to trust my inner guidance and my body

• Releasing the fears and stepping into faith: I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, whatever is meant for me will not pass me by, I’m being guided to live my best life, and the point of power is in the here and NOW.

As I’ve been recovering from COVID the past two weeks, I had the opportunity to appreciate how far I’ve come. I was able to listen to my body, take care of myself, and rest without obsessively worrying about when I’m going to get all of my work done. I was able to surrender to the experience, breathe through all the discomfort, and enjoy being with myself as I recovered. I thought about how 10 years ago, I would have made myself so miserable and stressed, which would have prolonged my recovery. I felt so much gratitude for all the healing and all the growth.

Now, I can be on the beach and simply enjoy feeling my toes in the sand, say “no” to commitments that I don’t have the time, space, or energy for, take breaks without feeling guilty, and ask for what I need with clarity and confidence. I see this all as such a gift and a source of power in a world that is always pushing us to do more.

So as we are going through the end-of-the-year crunch and preparing for the New Year, I wanted to share my journey to remind you to please choose yourself, your health, and your well-being. Choose to redesign your life in a way that honors you.

Plan to take moments to simply be and breathe - even if it is just for 2 minutes per day. I read somewhere that taking deep breaths is like sending little love notes to our bodies - and they are! Every little bit counts and adds up over time in preventing us from burning out and helping us show up as our best selves.

So please be gentle with yourself and your body. Have compassion for yourself. You are not weak. You are not selfish. You are human. You matter and your needs matter. 

And remember: Just because you can do it all, it doesn’t mean that you have to.

Have the courage to give yourself permission to not do it all and say “no”. Give yourself permission to not be perfect. Give yourself permission to ask for help, to be human, to rest, and to be enough just as you are - because you are.

On that note, I’m also giving myself more time and space to rest and recover and look forward to writing to you again in 2023!

Sending so much love and light your way,

Maliheh

The #1 Mistake Women Make When Asking for What They Want

Dear Friends,

To get what we want in our lives, careers, and businesses, we obviously need to work for it and ask for it. But the #1 mistake I see women making is that while they are asking for what they want and putting in the effort, they do not internally open themselves up to receiving it!

I touched on this in a previous letter, but I see so many women (including myself from time to time) struggling with this that I felt it deserved more focused attention.

So many of us have spent most of our lives prioritizing others, denying ourselves and/or being denied our needs and wants. This can lead to receiving what we want and having our needs met to feel very foreign. It may invoke feelings of fear, anxiety, and guilt. We may even sabotage and push away what we want without realizing that we are doing this.

This can keep stuck, but we have the power to change.

To elevate our lives, careers, businesses, and the world, we must be internally open to receiving the positive outcomes we are working towards.

Assuming that you are clear about what you need and want (if not, this may help), and the external environment is malleable (which I know can be a major barrier as well), here is what you need to do to identify your internal blocks and open yourself up to receiving:

1. You’ve got to believe that what you want is possible. If you don’t believe that it is a real possibility, then you won’t fully be open to receiving it even if it shows up. You may not even recognize it! Know that if you can imagine it and desire it, then it is possible to receive it. Connect with what it FEELS like to receive what you want. Will you feel appreciated? Happy? Safe? Valued? Calm? Excited? Supported? Nourished? Held? Really let yourself feel it in your body. The more you familiarize yourself with the feelings associated with having what you want and can imagine yourself receiving it, the easier it is for you to receive it once it knocks on your door. 

2. You’ve got to believe that you are worthy of receiving what you want. If you don’t believe that you are worthy of receiving what you want, then you’ll find a way to keep it out of reach. Remember that your worth is not defined by your work, your productivity, your career, your accomplishments, your social situation, your income, your status, your followers, your appearance, or anything external. Your worth is derived internally and by deeply connecting with your inner being. You are enough just as you are and you are worthy of having your needs met, feeling good, thriving, and receiving what you want. Remind yourself of this every single day!

3. You’ve got to have the space to receive what you want. This means you need to get really good at RELEASING whatever is occupying unnecessary mental, emotional, or physical space and and is not aligned with what you want. These could be old fear-based beliefs, negative habits, past patterns, expectations, goals, tasks, mental and physical clutter, and even people. For example, if you want to step into your power as an authentic leader, you need to release the belief that you have to be perfect all the time and give yourself the space to learn and grow. Or if you want to receive support, you need to release the beliefs that you have to do and know it all and that being supported is a sign of weakness. What are you holding on to that is not aligned with what you want? Free yourself and let it go.

4. You’ve got to have the ability to embrace and appreciate receiving what you want. You need to give yourself permission to have what you want and let yourself feel good about having it. This may involve healing and reprogramming your nervous system to develop the capacity to relax into receiving and having what you want, and not always be in striving and survival mode. After striving for so many years, getting what you want and settling into a feeling of peace around receiving it can feel so unfamiliar that it can provoke anxiety and make you push it away or want to jump to the next goal right away. Imagining and feeling yourself having what you want and feeling at ease about it as I described before and having a consistent meditation and breathing practice can be really helpful (start with 10 minutes of meditation and three deep breaths per day).

Here is an exercise that can help you further identify any internal blocks you may have:

Quiet your mind and ask yourself: “If [what you really want] showed up today, would I be open to receiving it?” 

Listen deeply. If you don’t hear yourself responding with an enthusiastic “YES!” then this is your invitation to get curious. If you notice hesitation or even hear a “No”, ask yourself why.

It could be that you actually want something different but were not aware of it. Remember, it is not just about asking for what you think you should want, it is about asking for what you want and what is aligned with who you are and who you want to be. 

This could also be a sign that you still have some limiting beliefs and internal blocks to receiving. Get curious and have a conversation and negotiation with yourself until you feel yourself getting to a “YES!”. I find that journaling and seeing the conversation on paper really helps me gain clarity. 

Ultimately, allowing yourself to receive and say “YES!” to what you want requires courage. Courage to dream, to feel worthy, to release the past, to release the guilt, to be open, and to have the courage to step into the next phase of your life.

I hope you find the courage to say “YES!” to yourself and allow yourself to receive more love, joy, health, abundance, support, and success.

Happy receiving!

Maliheh

P.S. I loved talking about how we can ask for more of what we want in my podcast with the wonderful Alexandra Carter, world-renowned negotiator and author of “Ask for More”. If you need a little more inspiration and guidance, feel free to listen to our conversation here.

Six Essential Practices for Sustained Energy, Resilience, and Inspired productivity

Dear Friends,

I always try to be real with you and the truth is, it has been a very painful couple weeks on my end. 

Yesterday marked the 40th day since Mahsa Amini’s death. While the movement in Iran and all the global solidarity has been incredibly inspiring, the daily news has also been horrific, utterly heartbreaking, and very difficult to process, especially as an Iranian-American.

And I know I’m not alone. Many Iranians in the diaspora are going through collective trauma, struggling to remain functional, and feeling guilty for having any ease and joy while so many people are suffering and dying back in Iran.

At the same time, my clients deserve that I show up for them and their businesses as my best self. I need to be fully present with them intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. I need to stay sharp and focused as they rely on me to help them see their blindspots, think through their challenges, and strategize for their growth.

Thankfully, despite everything that has been going on, I’ve been managing to not only show up for my clients and my work, but be sharper than ever and even outperform my usual self! And no, I haven’t been just “pushing through” and avoiding the news or how I’m feeling, in fact, the opposite.

So I thought for today’s letter, I take some time to reflect on what has been helping me and share in case it may inspire you to start incorporating these practices that I believe are essential for long-term resilience, energy, and inspired productivity.

Here we go… 

1. I let myself feel my emotions and practice self-compassion. I try my best not to identify with the emotions, but I do acknowledge them (e.g. instead of “I am sad/angry/frustrated/anxious”, I tell myself, “I am feeling sad/angry/frustrated/anxious”). I give myself permission to FEEL and ride the waves. No matter how painful it feels, I know it will pass if I embrace it and feel it. But if I resist it, it will follow me like a cloud and start to weigh me down. Journaling about what I’m experiencing also helps me feel heard and validated. I literally give myself pep talks and talk to myself like I would to a child I adore. I know it sounds silly, but it is very comforting and this practice is backed by research.

2. I allow external support. I’ve been taking time to talk and share what is coming up for me with family, friends, and trusted advisors. Non-Iranian friends have also been reaching out and offering their support and I’ve been taking them up on it. I have been giving myself permission to receive, to be held, to be heard, and to be supported by the people I trust and feel safe with.

3. I’m being extra gentle with myself and giving myself a break whenever I can. For example, I rescheduled networking calls that were not particularly urgent to save my energy for more pressing commitments. I have also been saying “no” to random requests for my time and expertise that I would normally feel guilty saying “no” to. And if I don’t have the energy for my regular workout class, I listen to my body and go for a walk instead. 

4. I continue to prioritize my mental health and my nervous system. This means that in addition to the previous items, I make sure I move my body throughout the day, get some fresh air and time in nature, nourish my body properly, set boundaries with the news and social media, meditate, practice breathwork, practice gratitude, and try my best to get enough sleep. NONE of this has been easy to stick to during this time. But I don’t aim for perfection. I know that every little drop in the bucket helps, even if it is just a walk around the block, two minutes of meditation, and three deep breaths.

5. To consistently show up, I remember that life is about “AND.” Life is always a mixed bag. I can feel sad, angry, and horrified about what is happening AND feel inspired and hopeful about the future. I can be grieving AND still find moments of joy during the day. I can feel worried and scared for the people and my family in Iran AND feel excited to be there for my clients. I can have a good cry in the morning AND feel inspired to get some work done in the afternoon. I give myself credit for showing up and taking small steps. 

6. I am staying focused on the here and NOW and my WHY like I’ve never done before! I have no idea what news I’m going to wake up to tomorrow, so all I can do is to focus on today and do the best that I can. It has forced me to let go of any attachments I had to outcomes, and prioritize the progress I can make today. I also keep thinking about how these women are showing up and risking their lives for their basic freedoms, the least I can do is to show up to my office and exercise mine! And given the situation, I can’t help but to be constantly reminded of my why: I’m here to help women shine their light and heal our world through their presence and impact. While I fear for the women in Iran, I also feel inspired and energized by their example and courage and have been channeling all of this into my calls and my work.

All of these practices combined create powerful synergy that at the core, comes down to this: The more attention I devote to processing these difficult emotions and realities and taking care of my mental health and nervous system, the more connected I feel with myself, my internal wisdom, and the present moment. This allows me to have more clarity about my life and work, take inspired action, be more efficient, and keep showing up for others despite what I’m personally going through.

So the next time you feel guilty about taking some time for yourself in the midst of all the chaos, worries, and obligations, I hope you remember this: investing in your mental health and wellbeing is the best investment you can make! 

It will payoff big time for you and for everyone that you take care of and serve. I hope you start incorporating these practices to help you feel your best now and to be able to sustain your energy when more intense periods arise. Remember: don’t aim for perfection, every drop of progress counts! Start with just taking one big DEEP breath now…

Also, if you or someone you know is going through a difficult time, I have a useful (and free) guide with 10 strategies to help folks recover quickly and emerge as a more powerful, confident, and radiant person. You can get The Leader’s Guide to Overcoming Life’s Unexpected Hardships, here.

Praying for better days for the people of Iran and for “zan, zendegi, azadi” (Women, Life, Freedom) to prevail…

Sending you all lots of love,

Maliheh

What Every Female Founder Needs to Know About Her Impact on Our World

Dear Friends,

I recently saw a LinkedIn post where a female-identifying founder shared, “in a world where only 2% of venture funding goes to women, I have received advice to distance myself from any behaviors or activities that would be considered overtly ‘feminine.’”

Unfortunately, this kind of advice isn’t unique to the funding space.

A couple of months ago, a friend overheard me on a business call and afterward, he said to me, “I don’t know how you would get any business. You were giggling like a little girl!”

I know that this type of comment/advice is often coming from genuine care and concern as most of us (women and men) have been conditioned to believe that if we don’t conform to the traditionally “masculine” norms of business and professionalism, we can’t get the funding, the client, or even be considered serious professionals. 

But these norms were originally defined and established before women ever had a real chance to actively participate and have an influence in the professional space.

Basically, these norms and systems were mostly designed by men for men in a different era.

To survive and adapt to these systems, for too long, women have had to conform to these norms, sometimes at the expense of their mental and physical health. And by adapting, we’ve also been inadvertently enabling these systems that were not designed with us in mind. 

We’ve also been made to believe that if we don’t succeed, or don’t get the funding, or the client, or the votes, we are to blame.

Either we didn’t work hard enough or we were trying too hard, or we were too assertive or too accommodating, or we were too perfect or not perfect enough, or we were too “feminine” or too “bossy”. Or maybe, we giggled too much or did not smile enough, and maybe, we used too many exclamation points!

It never ends!

If only 2% of venture funding goes to women, despite women-founded businesses yielding higher revenues than male-founded businesses, then this is a massive system failure, not the failure of women. 

If laughing and savoring the joy of making a genuine human connection is considered “unprofessional”, then it is the professional system and the workplace that is detached from the breadth of emotions and the human experience.

These are urgent calls to redesign and de-bias these systems and for us women to fiercely honor ourselves like never before.

It is through our unapologetic self-representation, standing together, and partnering with allies that we can challenge these systems to finally evolve to ALSO accommodate women, diversity, and the human experience.

No more hiding and dimming ourselves and our “femininity” out of fear of rejection. 

These “rejections” are redirecting us to find and create spaces and opportunities where we are welcomed and embraced.

And as authentic female founders, you can also pave the way by reshaping the world and redesigning the systems through your businesses and leadership.

You are already pioneers and improving our world through your products and services, but your impact goes beyond your business ventures.

With everything you do, you are redesigning our world and redefining what it means to be in business, to be a leader, and to be a professional. In fact, life may intentionally challenge you to innovate new ways of working and running a business to avoid perpetuating the old dysfunctional systems and the status quo.

None of this is to make the journey more difficult for you. Instead, it is to encourage you to create a path that better honors you and works for you, even if it hasn’t been done before and meets the disapproval of others.

If someone doesn’t give you the funding or the business because you dared to be yourself, then walk away with your head held high knowing that money or business was not meant for you. 

In fact, if someone gives you funding or business and expects you to be someone other than who you are or to compromise your values in any way, then that money or relationship would almost certainly suffocate you and limit your growth, power, and impact in the long run.

If you feel a genuine call to serve and birth your idea into this world, please trust that the right resources, the funding, and the teachers and guides will come to you as you stay aligned with who you are and your purpose.

I’m so incredibly proud of the founder who shared her post and did not heed the “limit your femininity” advice and decided to represent and show up as herself.

Let's all commit to fiercely being ourselves and refusing to settle for a world that expects us to be any less!

The more we all step into our authentic way of being, the more the world will have to transform through and around us.

So, please keep being YOU and shining your light in a way that honors you.

The world needs you to be YOU - now more than ever!

With love and solidarity,

Maliheh

The Leader’s Guide to Overcoming Life’s Unexpected Hardships

Dear Friends,

Whether it is an accident, tragedy, sudden loss, illness, devastating heartbreak, trauma, or a terrible combination of unexpected difficulties, life happens to all of us. It doesn’t care if you are a CEO, a leader, have people depending on you, or have a business or an organization to run (or you are due to write your bi-weekly letters).

So, what do you do when the rug gets pulled out from right under you? How do you cope when your life has instantly turned upside down?

Given the turbulent times we live in and all the tragedies happening around us, I have prepared a brief, yet, complete 10-step guide to help you prepare and recover quickly from life's unexpected hardships if/when you are faced with one.

You are welcome to get the guide here (it is free, of course):

This resource was inspired by my years of guiding clients through unexpected challenges and a deep examination of my own recovery process after going through an excruciating situation last year. I share some of what I went through in the hopes that it will help you remember that you are not alone in going through painful human experiences.

If you are ever hit with a sudden and painful shock to your system, I hope you will keep this in mind:

Resilience isn’t about pushing past pain or not feeling pain, it is about having the capacity to move through it. 

From the bottom of my heart, I hope that this guide helps you prepare and move through whatever comes your way and brings you comfort when you need it most. And I ask that you please share this resource with those you love and care about.

Sadly, just a week ago, I tragically lost a friend who had been struggling in silence for a long time and I had no idea. It is still hard for me to believe that he is gone and I wish I had reached out to him and shared this resource sooner… I don’t know if it would have solved his challenges, but it might have at least encouraged him to reach out and ask for help.

So please share this link with friends, family, and colleagues. We all need these reminders and you never know who may be really needing them now.

This guide is dedicated to the memory my friend and to the brave and incredibly resilient women who are fighting for their freedoms - my mind, heart, and spirit are with you all.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh