The Life-Changing Impact of Presence and Curiosity
Dear Friends,
There is truly nothing like finding a line of work that nourishes us, energizes us, and makes us come alive.
I feel incredibly fortunate to have experienced this and I’m going to share with you how it all happened in today’s letter.
I used to think it was all by sheer coincidence. But now I can see that it was because I was able to be fully present and curious.
The best way to illustrate this is to tell you the full story, so here we go:
Years ago, I was in Nairobi, Kenya on a World Bank assignment. One day, I was waiting for the elevator in a building I was visiting. It was a super slow elevator and there was a woman next to me waiting as well. I noticed that she was holding her lunch and it hadn’t been touched, and it was 3 PM. I turned to her and said, “Late lunch?”
She said, “Yes. It’s been a crazy day.”
So I asked her what was going on. It turned out that she was the executive director of a women’s empowerment organization and had just come back from giving a talk at an event.
Naturally, I was intrigued. I was curious to hear about her organization, the projects they were working on, and how they were helping women in Kenya. So I shared with her how passionate I am about women’s empowerment and asked her if she would be open to meeting with me and talking more. Thankfully, she said yes.
A couple of days later, we met for what was supposed to be a 30-minute meeting over coffee. It turned into a 4-hour meeting of hearts and minds.
I shared my journey and she shared hers. We couldn’t believe our similar experiences and how much an Iranian-American woman and a Kenyan woman could have in common.
I kept following my curiosity and started asking her questions about her work and the organization: their strategy, focus areas, how they are evaluating their programs, how the teams work together, etc...
Suddenly she paused and said, “You know… as we are talking, I’m realizing that I never have time to think about these questions. Most of the time, I’m just trying to get through the day.”
I felt for her and I said, “Yeah, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. You have a board to answer to, funds to raise, projects to oversee, employees to support, public appearances to make, and you are a single mom. You are supporting everyone. I’m curious, who is supporting you?”
She looked at me with a blank stare and said, “What do you mean?”
So I clarified: “Who is there for you? Who do you vent to? Brainstorm with? Strategize with? Who do you go to for advice? Who can you be vulnerable with? Who is looking out for you?”
She took a pause, lowered her gaze, and replied, “No one.”
I was shocked and speechless.
She continued, “To be honest, most of the time I feel like everyone is waiting for me to mess up and fail. So I can’t show that I’m ever struggling with anything.”
Hearing that broke my heart and I felt like my head was about to explode. My whole career up until that point was focused on amplifying the message “We need more women in leadership”, but I found myself thinking: “What’s the point if women finally get there and burn out because they are not being supported?”
I was sitting there looking at this super intelligent, passionate, soulful, and capable woman who was doing important work in the world but she seemed to be hanging on by a thread. She felt completely alone.
So I said to her, “I know you just met me, but if you’ll let me, I’m happy to be that person for you.”
Her eyes lit up, she leaned back in her chair and took a sigh of relief as if the weight of the world was just lifted off of her. “Oh my God, where did you come from?” She asked with a smile.
And with that, we got started. We met a few more times in person while I was in Kenya, then we continued talking over Skype.
Every time I had a call with her, I felt like I was getting plugged into a supercharger. Seeing her light up and thrive, nourished and energized me in a way that I had never experienced before. Within a few months of us working together, I saw her transform before my eyes. She stepped into her authentic power, improved her organization’s culture, won over the board, and was increasing the impact of her organization on Kenyan women’s lives.
I was using all of my skills and pouring them into her mind, heart, and spirit. I felt so alive and so did she. That’s when I knew I was on to something and I began a whole new career path that nourished my soul and made my heart sing.
But as I shared with you in my last letter, it hasn’t been without its challenges. Over time, outside voices and forces started creeping in. I lost my way, felt boxed in, and I almost gave it all up.
Now, after having taken a break from my advising practice, it feels like I’m literally starting over and just returning from Kenya again. So I’m beginning anew and I’m focusing on doing more of what makes me come alive, which is to support as many women leaders as I can.
That’s why, I’m offering complimentary sessions to female founders, CEOs, and executives who are leading women-focused businesses, organizations, or initiatives.
If you are a woman leader who shares my passion for making the world a better place for women and is feeling curious about how I work, I invite you to trust your curiosity and schedule a session with me. We’ll tackle anything that is weighing on you, you feel stuck on, you are reaching toward, or anything else that is present for you and your organization. I can’t wait to hold space for you and help you shine even more!
For all of my other amazing friends here, I hope this story inspires you to stay present and curious. If you want more on this topic, check out my podcast conversation with Anousheh Ansari, the CEO of XPRIZE Foundation. In this episode, Anousheh shares how her curiosity led her to find her passion and become the first female private space explorer and astronaut.
The key message here is that life is ALWAYS directing and redirecting us to share our unique gifts and talents in a way that benefits others and honors our own thriving. All we need to do is to pay attention, which I admit, is increasingly difficult to do these days…
In fact, I’ve often thought about how if I was scrolling on my phone when I was standing by the elevator in Kenya, I would have missed the incredible opportunity to connect with this woman who ended up changing my life. I really hope we move toward prioritizing presence and connection again because that’s where the magic happens.
And I’m going to leave you today with one of my favorite quotes:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
May we all stay present and curious, and do more of what makes us come alive!
With love and gratitude,
Maliheh