The Ultimate Key to Increasing Your Impact

(Hi everyone, It is my birthday week and I’m away celebrating. Today, I’m sharing a letter that I wrote a while ago, but the insights here have been coming up A LOT in my advising practice lately. So I thought we could all use a refresher. I hope this is a timely reminder for you. Enjoy!)

Dear Friends,

We all aspire toward “being the change” we wish to see in the world, yet, many individuals have major blindspots in this area, which gets in their way of making the impact they want to make.

I once had a client who was a passionate founder and entrepreneur working hard to support and nourish mothers through technology, but she was feeling depleted and lost.

The main issue was that she completely forgot about nourishing the most important mother of all: herself!

Once she committed to making herself a priority, she was able to find herself again and it led to redesigning her life and how she ran her organization. She began to thrive and so did her business of nourishing others.

To maximize your impact, you need to fully embody the change you want to create in the world from the inside out - both for yourself and your organization.

It is about deeply examining how you treat yourself and everyone in your life, and how you run your organization.

This may seem daunting at first, but if you turn toward this internal exploration with curiosity, self-compassion, and optimism, it can lead to an exciting, fulfilling, and incredibly rewarding transformational process.

It can also propel the success and impact of your organization.

Generally, the internal conditions of the founders, leaders, teams, and the systems that are in place will be reflected in the level of external success or failure of any organization or business.

Unfortunately, many organizations focus on “making it happen” out in the world, while neglecting how they are “making it happen” internally. This can lead to a lot of turmoil.

If your mission is not deeply aligned with your actions in all areas of your life and leadership, then life will likely keep sending you challenges to alert you.

Hopefully, you will be paying attention and these challenges can guide you and your organization to redirect and realign.

For example, another client of mine was a driven leader of a women’s empowerment organization, but she was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and her days were filled with putting out one fire after another just to keep herself and her organization afloat.

She was trying to empower others, but she wasn’t empowering herself to ask for the support that she needed and her employees were not feeling empowered to talk about what was going wrong inside the organization.

Thankfully, she was able to realize this just in time. Once she created a safe space for her employees to share and be vulnerable and allowed herself to lean on them for support, together, they were able to fix the structural issues that were hindering their growth and impact.

So when you are trying to create a positive change in the world, but are met with lots of struggle and turmoil, I hope you get curious about looking inward.

Evaluate how you can better bring that change into your own life and organization and make sure you embody it from the inside out.

When you and your organization are truly aligned with your mission, then your work of fulfilling that mission will flow with greater ease and joy.

That’s the #1 key to increasing your impact and making the change you wish to see in the world: wholeheartedly embodying and modeling that change in ALL areas of your life and organization.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” from the inside out and the change may come even sooner than you imagine!

Best wishes to you on this powerful journey,

Maliheh

The Secret to Maximizing Your Efficiency

Dear Friends,

In today’s letter, I’m going to share the secret to maximizing your efficiency (and impact).

A new client approached me recently, wanting my help to become more “efficient” and “strategic.” She is a brilliant and passionate CEO who was feeling very overwhelmed and felt that she was getting stretched too thin - this is a common reality for many people, CEO or not.

We could have started with making a list of everything on her plate and figured out what she needed to release, prioritize, and delegate, etc... And that is a very important exercise, but one that I knew she was more than capable of doing herself. So if she was struggling with this, then something deeper was going on.

And there was: her nervous system was dysregulated. She was stuck in survival mode and couldn’t access her creative thinking and higher-level problem-solving abilities. She was operating and acting out of fear, and it was draining her energy and causing more problems and inefficiencies for her and her business.

Naturally, addressing this became an urgent priority for us because, without this foundation, even the most brilliant business and leadership strategy would fall by the wayside.

So to be your most "efficient" self, the main “strategy” you need is to be very proactive about keeping your nervous system regulated so you can think creatively and stay focused on taking aligned action.

If we take action when we are feeling disconnected from ourselves and are fueled by our worries and fears instead of our purpose, vision, values, and deeper knowing, that’s where we create the most inefficiency in our lives, careers, and businesses.

When we take aligned action, however, each step can be exponentially more impactful in ensuring our long-term safety and thriving - piercing through the fog of confusion, chaos, and uncertainty.

This is about developing the capacity and having the space to align and focus even in the midst of the most violent storms, but I want to emphasize that this doesn’t imply being slow and passive. Sometimes you do need to decide, act, and move fast, but you can still be grounded and aligned as you do.

And sometimes, you need to put out some big fires first to create the space for the nervous system to calm down, and that’s why bringing in a grounding and strategic presence is essential and why I’m so passionate about my work.

The leaders I work with are all incredibly capable and amazing, but even the most remarkable people struggle to see clearly when they are in the thick of it and are being stretched too thin. I’m thankful that I get to be a safe harbor where I hold a light and help my clients refuel, realign, and strategize to take actions that maximize their efficiency and impact.

Every person and situation is different, but in my upcoming letters, I’ll share some general steps for how you can get to this regulated, connected, and aligned space and, most importantly, how to stay there.

For now, I hope this is a helpful reminder to prioritize calming and regulating your nervous system, finding stillness, and connecting with your inner being - even if it is just for five minutes a day.

It is in this space that we can tap into our creativity and find the solutions we need.

It is from this space that we can take aligned action and maximize our efficiency.

And it is from this space that we can create significant shifts and amplify our impact.

It is also from this space that I write my letters to you - and always with love and gratitude,

Maliheh

One Key Way to Build Unshakable Confidence

Dear Friends,

It took me a long time to realize that confidence is not something we are born with; rather, it is something we can intentionally build and nurture within ourselves. 

At its core, building unshakable genuine confidence is about developing self-trust. And one key way to start building self-trust and our confidence is by consistently keeping our promises to ourselves. 

Many of us have no problem focusing on honoring the commitments we make to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we may struggle to prioritize them and end up making compromises.

However, when we make commitments to ourselves and follow through with them, we send a powerful message to our minds:

"I am reliable, capable, and worthy." 

This process builds self-trust, rewires our brains to start noticing our competence, and lays a solid foundation for unshakable confidence.

Here are four examples of how keeping promises to yourself can help build your confidence:

1. Self-Care Routine: By honoring our commitment to a simple self-care routine that grounds, energizes, and nourishes us, we not only prioritize our well-being but also build trust and confidence in our ability to take care of ourselves.

2. Skill Development: Setting clear goals and dedicating time to acquire new skills that pique our curiosity (such as public speaking, negotiation, or learning a new language) expands our capabilities and boosts our confidence in our ability to adapt, learn, and grow.

3. Boundaries: Whether it's saying "no" to tasks that don't align with our goals or establishing a healthy work-life balance, honoring our boundaries helps strengthen our confidence in making decisions that support our needs and priorities.

4. Networking and Relationship-building: By proactively reaching out to new connections or nurturing existing relationships (such as connecting with one person a day), we not only strengthen our social connections but also cultivate confidence in our ability to connect and collaborate with others.

Each promise we honor contributes to our personal growth and strengthens our trust in ourselves and our abilities. The more consistent we are in honoring our commitments, the more our confidence will flourish.

Ultimately, what’s important to remember is that building unshakable confidence is not something that happens overnight. It is a process, and it starts with developing self-trust. The best way to cultivate self-trust is by keeping our promises to ourselves.

So, start right now!

Identify one promise you want to make to yourself and begin honoring it today.

Keep showing up for yourself, and before you know it, your efforts will be reflected in the increased confidence with which you will show up in the world!

Sending you lots of love and gratitude,

Maliheh

The Life-Changing Impact of Presence and Curiosity

Dear Friends,

There is truly nothing like finding a line of work that nourishes us, energizes us, and makes us come alive.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have experienced this and I’m going to share with you how it all happened in today’s letter.

I used to think it was all by sheer coincidence. But now I can see that it was because I was able to be fully present and curious.

The best way to illustrate this is to tell you the full story, so here we go:

Years ago, I was in Nairobi, Kenya on a World Bank assignment. One day, I was waiting for the elevator in a building I was visiting. It was a super slow elevator and there was a woman next to me waiting as well. I noticed that she was holding her lunch and it hadn’t been touched, and it was 3 PM. I turned to her and said, “Late lunch?”

She said, “Yes. It’s been a crazy day.”

So I asked her what was going on. It turned out that she was the executive director of a women’s empowerment organization and had just come back from giving a talk at an event. 

Naturally, I was intrigued. I was curious to hear about her organization, the projects they were working on, and how they were helping women in Kenya. So I shared with her how passionate I am about women’s empowerment and asked her if she would be open to meeting with me and talking more. Thankfully, she said yes. 

A couple of days later, we met for what was supposed to be a 30-minute meeting over coffee. It turned into a 4-hour meeting of hearts and minds.

I shared my journey and she shared hers. We couldn’t believe our similar experiences and how much an Iranian-American woman and a Kenyan woman could have in common.

I kept following my curiosity and started asking her questions about her work and the organization: their strategy, focus areas, how they are evaluating their programs, how the teams work together, etc... 

Suddenly she paused and said, “You know… as we are talking, I’m realizing that I never have time to think about these questions. Most of the time, I’m just trying to get through the day.”

I felt for her and I said, “Yeah, it seems like you have a lot on your plate. You have a board to answer to, funds to raise, projects to oversee, employees to support, public appearances to make, and you are a single mom. You are supporting everyone. I’m curious, who is supporting you?” 

She looked at me with a blank stare and said, “What do you mean?”

So I clarified: “Who is there for you? Who do you vent to? Brainstorm with? Strategize with? Who do you go to for advice? Who can you be vulnerable with? Who is looking out for you?”

She took a pause, lowered her gaze, and replied, “No one.”

I was shocked and speechless.

She continued, “To be honest, most of the time I feel like everyone is waiting for me to mess up and fail. So I can’t show that I’m ever struggling with anything.”

Hearing that broke my heart and I felt like my head was about to explode. My whole career up until that point was focused on amplifying the message “We need more women in leadership”, but I found myself thinking: “What’s the point if women finally get there and burn out because they are not being supported?”

I was sitting there looking at this super intelligent, passionate, soulful, and capable woman who was doing important work in the world but she seemed to be hanging on by a thread. She felt completely alone.

So I said to her, “I know you just met me, but if you’ll let me, I’m happy to be that person for you.”

Her eyes lit up, she leaned back in her chair and took a sigh of relief as if the weight of the world was just lifted off of her. “Oh my God, where did you come from?” She asked with a smile. 

And with that, we got started. We met a few more times in person while I was in Kenya, then we continued talking over Skype. 

Every time I had a call with her, I felt like I was getting plugged into a supercharger. Seeing her light up and thrive, nourished and energized me in a way that I had never experienced before. Within a few months of us working together, I saw her transform before my eyes. She stepped into her authentic power, improved her organization’s culture, won over the board, and was increasing the impact of her organization on Kenyan women’s lives.

I was using all of my skills and pouring them into her mind, heart, and spirit. I felt so alive and so did she. That’s when I knew I was on to something and I began a whole new career path that nourished my soul and made my heart sing.

But as I shared with you in my last letter, it hasn’t been without its challenges. Over time, outside voices and forces started creeping in. I lost my way, felt boxed in, and I almost gave it all up.

Now, after having taken a break from my advising practice, it feels like I’m literally starting over and just returning from Kenya again. So I’m beginning anew and I’m focusing on doing more of what makes me come alive, which is to support as many women leaders as I can.

That’s why, I’m offering complimentary sessions to female founders, CEOs, and executives who are leading women-focused businesses, organizations, or initiatives.

If you are a woman leader who shares my passion for making the world a better place for women and is feeling curious about how I work, I invite you to trust your curiosity and schedule a session with me. We’ll tackle anything that is weighing on you, you feel stuck on, you are reaching toward, or anything else that is present for you and your organization. I can’t wait to hold space for you and help you shine even more!

For all of my other amazing friends here, I hope this story inspires you to stay present and curious. If you want more on this topic, check out my podcast conversation with Anousheh Ansari, the CEO of XPRIZE Foundation. In this episode, Anousheh shares how her curiosity led her to find her passion and become the first female private space explorer and astronaut.

The key message here is that life is ALWAYS directing and redirecting us to share our unique gifts and talents in a way that benefits others and honors our own thriving. All we need to do is to pay attention, which I admit, is increasingly difficult to do these days…

In fact, I’ve often thought about how if I was scrolling on my phone when I was standing by the elevator in Kenya, I would have missed the incredible opportunity to connect with this woman who ended up changing my life. I really hope we move toward prioritizing presence and connection again because that’s where the magic happens.

And I’m going to leave you today with one of my favorite quotes:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

— Howard Thurman

May we all stay present and curious, and do more of what makes us come alive!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

The Powerful Purpose of Losing Your Way

Dear friends,

We can all lose our way. With all the distractions and pressures of life, it is only human to forget our purpose, our why, our voice, or even ourselves from time to time. It can feel incredibly frustrating, draining, and confusing, but we must remember that losing our way also serves a powerful purpose.

I came to this realization because I lost my way for quite some time. 

I started my journey with a clear vision and deep passion to help women heal from this system that has been designed by men for men in a different era. I saw my mission as helping women remember and embody their own power, and redesigning our world to better meet women’s needs. 

In the service of this mission, I started writing a book, creating a podcast featuring my conversations with world-renowned women pioneers, and advising women leaders who shared my passion for improving women’s lives. I was rolling, flowing, and feeling energized by everything I was doing, and I couldn’t believe how it was coming together.

But then, the external voices, pressures, and forces slowly started to creep in. Before I knew it, I had lost my larger mission and everything I did became about catering exclusively to the advising work. 

I felt stuck and struggled to create. I kept experimenting but was met with wall after wall. I felt boxed in. At one point, I even decided to give it all up because I was feeling so limited and couldn’t see a way forward that was aligned with who I am.

I’ll leave the story of how I found my way through for another time, though I have been sharing some of the key lessons I’ve learned in my recent letters to you. But now that I’m mostly on the other side of this (I’m still taking it one day at a time), I see why this “detour” was an essential part of my journey.

I originally had the vision and passion, but I didn’t have the necessary capacity to carry it forward in a sustainable way. However, in all those times when I felt confused, lost, and frustrated, I had to meet myself and my challenges at a much deeper level than ever before. I was identifying and shedding blocks that I didn’t even know were there but were holding me back. In doing so, I was also expanding and sharpening my toolkit.

As I look back on this time, I now see that I wasn’t lost. I was being prepared.

In fact, I found that “getting lost” serves a powerful purpose. During the process of searching and trying to find our way, we gain perspectives, strengths, and tools that we need to solidify our foundation and increase our capacity to build. And through ongoing trials and tribulations, we are honed, refined, and prepared to step into a more authentic expression of how we are meant to serve.

Unfortunately, this is not a smooth and comfortable process - growth never is. That is why it is super important to practice self-compassion and lean on the right people for support.

If you are ever feeling lost, I hope you’ll remember to be gentle with yourself, connect with your inner being, allow yourself to be nourished by your support team, and get super curious about what you could be clearing out and learning. This can be a time for immense growth and transformation if you choose to be fully present for it.

Trust your journey, trust where you are right now, stay curious, and know that you are not really lost.

You are leveling up! You are becoming better equipped and more prepared to receive what your soul has been calling for. 

As for me… Thankfully, I’ve never felt more connected to my “why” as I do now. I am focused on my vision, taking inspired aligned action, flowing, and creating again.

And one of the greatest gifts I received during this “detour” is the realization that I’m not doing any of this alone. So many of you have been here for me and your messages and support have kept me going. I am so grateful for your presence and hope that we continue to lift each other up while helping more women shine, thrive, and change our world for the better.

Onwards and upwards we go!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

Four Mindset Shifts to Break Free From Fear

Dear Friends,

Today’s letter was inspired by a post I recently wrote on LinkedIn. It resonated with a lot of individuals so I wanted to expand on it and share it with you all as well. This is a more personal letter than usual, but I hope that by sharing these struggles, you’ll know that you are not alone and feel inspired to keep investing in yourself. Here it goes:

Like so many people, I spent most of my life terrified of not being enough and living in constant fear.

We all mask it in different ways. In my case, my masks were overachieving (e.g. college at 14, World Bank at 18, Harvard by 22), perfectionism, and people-pleasing.

I had no idea who I was underneath it all. Life kept pushing me to my breaking point mentally, emotionally, and physically until I finally woke up, started to get curious about what was really going on, and turned inward.

It has taken years of deep exploration to get to know myself, heal my relationship with myself, and finally flow with ease (and I’m still a work in progress).

Throughout this process, I adopted four beliefs that were instrumental in helping me break free:

• I am enough.

• I am worthy of peace, ease, and joy.

• I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment.

• Whatever is meant for me is arriving in perfect timing.

These statements started out as affirmations/reminders that I used to say to myself in the mirror a couple of times a day, every day. At one point, I had written them on Post-it notes and they were all over my living space. But saying these affirmations only provided momentary relief.

I needed to get to the root of why these statements did not ring true for me. As I continued exploring and healing at a deeper level, my mind eventually started to make new neural pathways and these words started to seep into my psyche and way of being.

This was not an easy process. In fact, it has been the hardest work I’ve ever done.

Adopting these beliefs meant shedding a lot of old ones.

It meant understanding my traumas and healing the parts of myself that were stuck in all that fear.

It meant a lot of practice, patience, self-compassion, and gentleness.

It meant allowing myself to be vulnerable and lean on others for support.

It meant healing my nervous system and learning to feel safe to live fully in the present moment.

It meant sitting with myself in solitude and remembering what my inner being already knew.

It meant stepping into a new way of BEING.

It meant stepping into faith and living in alignment with who I am and my values.

It also meant letting go of anyone and anything that did not support my new way of being and feeling all the grief that accompanied this transition.

It meant becoming lighter and finding ease in my mind, body, heart, and spirit.

It meant finally being able to be in my body, feel my toes in the sand, enjoy the ocean breeze on my face, and simply be... be at peace with myself.

I wholeheartedly wish this for you and for anyone who may be struggling out there.

Please know that you are not alone. Please know you are worth this effort and it is the best investment you could ever make.

You are enough.

You are worthy of peace, ease, and joy.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment.

And whatever is meant for you is arriving in perfect timing.

Keep filling yourself up with love, kindness, and gentleness, and know that it is your own light that will guide you home to your truest and freest self.

Sending so much love to you all!

Maliheh

The Gift of Negative Emotions

Dear friends,

So many of us are missing out on receiving a transformational gift from our “negative” emotions.

While they are definitely uncomfortable and painful to feel, “negative” emotions like anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, and fear are a sign that your internal guidance system is in working order.

Through “negative” emotions, your inner being is trying to get your attention and help you redirect, realign, and level up.

Just like physical pain and bruising alert you to the existence of a physical injury and guide you toward rehabilitation and healing, the same is true for emotional pain and discomfort.

If we accept that feeling peace and ease is our natural state and our birthright, then any emotion that is not bringing us peace and ease is there to guide us back to this natural state. 

What is fascinating though is that we don’t go back to our original state of peace and ease. We keep leveling up to higher and higher levels and deeper and deeper experiences of peace and ease that we didn’t know was possible before. This is by natural design to support our continuous growth and evolution.

Therefore, when negative emotions arise, they are alerting us to what is holding us back from living our best lives and fulfilling our purpose with greater ease and joy. These could be:

• Needs of ours that are not being met

• Limiting beliefs that we are unaware of having

• An area of growth that we weren’t ready to face before

• Unprocessed traumas that are keeping us stuck in a state of fear and lack

• Unhealthy relationships and environments that are not supporting our growth

• Opportunities that are not aligned with our core values and who we truly are

Unfortunately, many of us are either numbing or escaping our negative emotions. This is for many reasons which can include:

• We never developed the capacity to feel them so having negative emotions scare us

• We are told that we are weak/wrong/broken/bad if we have negative emotions by a culture that is constantly pushing for toxic positivity

• We fear that others will judge us for having negative emotions

• We judge ourselves for having negative emotions

• We are afraid that if we pay attention to them that we’ll attract more negative experiences (I find this to be common amongst people in the spiritual community)

As someone who grew up being told that I’m being “ungrateful” and literally letting God down if I have negative emotions, trust me, I know how hard making the shift can be. But expanding your emotional capacity and learning how to take loving care of your inner self is truly the best investment you could ever make.

Our negative emotions gift us with the invitation to connect more deeply with ourselves and break through to the next level of what’s possible for us. They bring with them priceless data that fuel our self-discovery and transformation.

They are also a natural part of the richness of the human experience. The more deeply we allow ourselves to explore and feel our “negative” emotions, the more we level up our capacity to feel fully alive, enjoy our “positive” emotions, and develop greater empathy for others - we can meet people only as deeply as we’ve met ourselves.

It all starts with having self-compassion and cultivating curiosity. Hold yourself with gentleness and get curious about what you are feeling and what these emotions are trying to tell you. They are ALWAYS bringing a valuable message and a gift for you - even if that is to practice simply feeling your emotions at first or building your courage and learning to take a step forward as you feel and move with your fear.

This isn’t about wallowing in our emotions, reacting to them, and being consumed by them. This is about befriending them, getting to know them, and appreciating them for the gift they offer as they guide us to a place of greater ease and higher alignment with our inner being.

Rumi says it best in his poem, “The Guest House”:

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

May this letter remind you to start receiving and befriending all of your emotions. 

May you allow your guest house to be prepared and cleared out for new delights.

And may you continue redirecting, aligning, and leveling up!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

P.S. For more resources and examples on cultivating self-compassion and emotional agility, please check out my podcasts with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Susan David.)

Six Essential Reminders for Navigating Difficult Transitions

Dear friends,

Let’s talk about the “messy middle”.

As we all know, any new decision, venture, or pivot can bring about volatility and uncertainty. How we deal with the contractions, expansions, twists, turns, ups, and downs along the way (i.e. “the messy middle”) makes all the difference in how we make it to the other side.

Here are six reminders to help you if you are going through a messy and difficult transitional period in your life, career, and/or business:

1. Accept the mess. Messes are a part of life. You don’t get the gorgeous May flowers without the messy April showers. Also, as the old adage goes: what you resist, persists. So accept the mess. It is here and the only way past it is to move through it. And remember that messes may not necessarily be a sign that things are falling apart, but that they are falling into place – reorganizing and finding a new and improved order that is better aligned with where you are going (see the example I share below).

2. Remember that nothing in life is permanent. The rain will stop, the storms will pass, and the sun will shine again. Know that you are capacious enough to move through whatever “messy” situation you are dealing with right now and that it will not last forever - nothing in life does. So this will pass no matter what and it is up to you to decide whether or not you want to add to your pain and suffering. I hope you’ll choose to stop catastrophizing and scaring yourself, instead:

3. Find moments of stillness and hold yourself with gentleness and self-compassion. I wrote about this in my previous letter, but it is worth emphasizing again. Please remember to breathe and be kind to yourself and your body. Breathe through the discomfort of not knowing or not seeing the way forward. These situations happen to all of us and they are not easy to move through. Let yourself feel the emotions that come up and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a child you adore.

4. Release your attachment to the “how”. Sometimes it is really hard to see how things will work out when we are in the thick of a super messy situation. We can spend a lot of energy trying to work out the “how” and not make any progress. It is important to remember that if you are moving into a new stage of growth and a higher equilibrium, your old ways of thinking, being, and doing will not necessarily be sufficient anymore. If you’ve been busy building ships and now you want to build a rocketship, you’ll need new tools and to rethink the way you’ll be using the old ones. So let go of needing to know exactly how things will work out and do this instead:

5. Get curious and look for the lessons. Everything that happens brings opportunities for growth, especially messy transitions. Try to process this experience from a higher level of consciousness and get curious about the lessons it may be offering you. This could be an invitation to shed mindsets, behaviors, and patterns that are no longer serving you or your business. They could be coming up to be processed and cleared out of the way so new and more aligned ways of leading, working, and creating can be incorporated. The sooner you extract and apply the lessons, the more quickly you’ll be able to move through this period.

6. Reach out for extra support. It is usually very difficult to zoom out and see the full picture when we are immersed in a difficult situation. I know from my own experience that having safe spaces to turn to where I feel seen and heard and can gain new perspectives has been invaluable. I’ve also seen the difference it makes for my clients who are all incredibly capable individuals. So please give yourself permission to receive, to be held, and to be supported. You matter and you are strong and smart for taking care of yourself and investing in your growth.

I hope you find comfort in these words as I know how incredibly uncomfortable and painful transitions can be. 

It may also be helpful to remember that as you are elevating your life, career, and/or business to new heights, the “messy middle” is likely creating the necessary conditions for you to shed the old and expand your capacity to receive the new.

Here is an example that can help bring all of this together for us: 

I once had a client who came to me hoping to take her company to its next level of growth. A few days later, a key member of her team submitted their two-week notice and chaos ensued. My client hadn’t seen this coming and she reached out to me feeling very distraught and overwhelmed. 

I said to her, “Do you remember asking for growth and expansion?”

“Umm… yeah”, she responded.

I continued, “Well, you can’t have expansions without contractions. As painful and shocking as this feels right now, space is opening up for the next level of growth.”

She got curious.

We then dived into what she can learn about this team member’s departure and strategized for what could be next.

I helped her see how the situation presented her with the perfect opportunity to reorganize and even redefine her role. So instead of hiring for the same position, she shuffled around some of the responsibilities and was able to create a new position, one where she could hand off the tasks that were draining her to someone who would enjoy doing them.

This freed her up to focus on the company’s growth and the aspects of her job that nourished and energized her. Within a few weeks, the right person showed up to fill the new position and my client and her team continued thriving and took the company to the next stage of growth more quickly than they thought was possible.

So the next time you find yourself going through a “messy middle”, please remember to be self-compassionate, give yourself the space to zoom out, get curious about the lessons and the opportunities, and release your attachments to the “how”. Things may just end up working out better than you expected them to!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

What to Do When You've Hit a Wall

(I was catching up with a dear friend yesterday and her current situation as a leader inspired today’s letter. I hope you all find these insights helpful!)

Dear friends,

We live in a world that is constantly pushing us to be productive and move forward every single day.

But sometimes we hit a wall and don’t know how to move forward. For example, we encounter a problem that we don’t know how to solve, or we face a challenge that we don’t know how to overcome, or our creative ideas seem to have run out.

This can happen to any of us. But for those in leadership positions, this uncomfortable state is commonly made more difficult by the weight of responsibility and the extra pressure to know the answers, respond quickly, and pave the way for everyone else.

In these situations, we may feel defeated and frustrated for being stuck. Fear and insecurity can also take hold of us and we can resort to forcing, gritting, and grinding, which will likely be counterproductive. We may end up going around in circles or hitting even more walls while draining our energy.

Instead, this may be a time for slowing down, finding stillness, and receiving even more self-compassion and gentleness.

Like everyone else, you are allowed to learn and grow. It is okay to hit a wall. It is okay to not have the answers. It is okay to run out of ideas.

I know this is an uncomfortable space to be in, but it helps to remember that it is not permanent - nothing in life is. Our capacity to breathe through the discomfort of not knowing, practice self-compassion, and allow ourselves to be still will make all the difference in how we move forward.

In the space of stillness (even if it is just for a few minutes), you can pause and recognize that you have met an edge. You can get curious and appreciate that you are on the cusp of further learning and growth. And you can quiet your mind and listen deeply to your inner guidance to move forward with intention and alignment.

This may also be an opportunity to ask for additional support and a fresh perspective from an advisor or mentor and/or from your team. If you’ve built a psychologically safe culture that values learning and growth, then this is a great time to model authentic vulnerability and true leadership.

For example, you can share with your team that you are not exactly sure how to proceed at the moment, but you are excited about how you will all grow together from this experience. If you believe it will be helpful, you can then come together with your team to think through and brainstorm possible solutions and next steps. 

Being a leader isn’t about having all the answers, it is about having the courage to pave the way for continued learning and growth, including your own.

Ultimately, this “wall” you’ve encountered is not just here to make your life difficult. It is here to guide you and perhaps redirect you to greater clarity and further expansion, flow, ease, and success. It may also invite you to identify and clear out internal and external blocks and make space for new possibilities. 

So I hope the next time you hit a wall and meet an edge, you remember to pause, breathe, be kind to yourself, ask for support, and allow your authentic curiosity, creativity, and leadership to flow through you.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

How to Start Celebrating Yourself Every day

Dear friends,

Happy International Women’s Day!

While this is a beautiful day for celebrating women worldwide, we tend to overlook something very important: celebrating ourselves!

Celebrating yourself can be as elaborate as you want it to be or as simple as this life-changing self-gratitude practice: take two minutes to write down three things you appreciate about yourself (e.g. your abilities, skills, talents, personality traits, perspectives, and behaviors).

In fact, this is a practice that I would encourage you to incorporate into your daily routine.

We all know how powerful practicing gratitude can be (it improves well-being, life-satisfaction, reduces stress, and builds resilience). I’ve found that practicing self-gratitude can also help transform our relationship with ourselves and boost our confidence.

This doesn’t mean that you avoid your areas of growth or stop growing. On the contrary, it can help you appreciate your growth, celebrate your small wins along the way, and make more sustainable changes. 

But practicing self-gratitude can be a bit challenging in the beginning.

We generally have no problem pointing out all of our weaknesses and imperfections, but when it comes to identifying our strengths and qualities that we can appreciate about ourselves, we may feel silly and uncomfortable. Some of us may find it even difficult to come up with just one thing that we can appreciate about ourselves. If this is you, please be patient and kind to yourself. This is all simply because we haven’t trained our minds to look at ourselves in this way.

We can change this, starting today!

If you are already keeping a gratitude journal, I invite you to make the following additions/modifications to your practice, and if you are new to this, here is a great place to start your daily entry:

1. Three things I feel grateful for in my life today are…

2. Three things I appreciate about myself today are…

3. Today, I choose to lovingly show up for myself by…

The third prompt in the journal entry is to remind you to practice connecting with your needs and honoring them on a daily basis (feel free to review this previous letter for a simple guide).

You may even want to start by listing just one thing you feel grateful for about your life and yourself and build up from there. For example:

• One thing I appreciate about my life today is that I have the privilege of connecting with you all

• One thing that I appreciate about myself today is my positive outlook on life

• Today, I choose to lovingly show up for myself by giving myself some space to unplug and enjoy a long walk on the beach

With every entry, you are building new neural pathways, retraining your mind, and improving how you see and feel about yourself. Remember that the key is consistency. And the more you fill yourself up with self-gratitude and loving-kindness, the more you’ll be able to authentically share and give to others. 

I really hope you celebrate, appreciate, and lovingly show up for yourself today and every day. 

And please share this reminder with all the fabulous women in your life.

Happy International Women’s Day everyone!

Sending you so much love,

Maliheh

A Reason Behind Burnout That May Surprise You, and What it Takes to Heal

Dear friends,

Burnout is real. Many high-achieving individuals have either experienced it or are at risk for burnout. I’ve definitely been there and it has taken me years to recover and find a healthy balance in my life.

And the real reason behind my burnout may surprise you. It is something that I know many of us struggle with because of the way our world and systems are designed, and it could be putting you at risk for burnout.

I burned out not because I put too much on my plate or was pushing myself too hard. Yes, I did do those things, but they were just symptoms of a deeper issue.

The real reason I burned out was that I was living in fear. 

I was living in fear of not being enough, not doing enough, and disappointing myself and others.

This made it impossible for me to rest. In fact, I was incapable of resting without feeling incredibly guilty and anxious. At the core, pushing myself into overdrive was a trauma response, and it took me years to realize this.

Like many high-achieving women, I grew up in an environment where what I did and how I performed was valued more than who I was. So my self-worth became deeply tied to achieving, doing more, and seeking others’ approval. As a result, “resting” and being still did not feel safe for me. I was constantly in survival mode and driven by fear.

So I kept pushing myself and concepts like “self-compassion”, “setting boundaries”, “self-care”, and “rest” were completely foreign to me.

When I finally crashed and burned, I was forced to rest as my body wouldn’t allow me to do anything else. You wouldn’t think “resting” would be a challenging activity but when you’ve been deprived of it your whole life, learning to rest can feel incredibly scary and uncomfortable. I felt anxious and restless and wanted to crawl out of my skin. 

Healing from burnout meant learning to rest with ease (free of guilt and anxiety) and this was quite a process. It required a paradigm shift and healing myself and my life at a much deeper level than I initially thought.

I had to completely reprogram my mind and my nervous system and redesign my life. This involved many things, including:

• Learning to practice self-compassion

• Allowing myself to receive support from others

• Releasing judgments and old beliefs: I’m not lazy for resting, I’m not weak for needing to rest, I’m not selfish for taking time to rest and care for myself, I don’t need to be perfect, and my worth is not defined by my productivity, achievements, or others’ judgments or perceptions

• Embracing new beliefs: I matter, I’m worthy, and my worth was safe with me; a better way of living, working, and being is possible for me; I AM ENOUGH

• Learning that resting is not a luxury, but a necessity just like air, water, and food

• Stepping into my power and committing to learning about my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs and how to honor them and set healthy boundaries

• Training my body and nervous system to rest with ease, learning to breathe through the discomfort, and being patient with myself and this healing process

• Learning to work with greater ease and joy

• Learning to trust my inner guidance and my body

• Releasing the fears and stepping into faith: I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, whatever is meant for me will not pass me by, I’m being guided to live my best life, and the point of power is in the here and NOW.

As I’ve been recovering from COVID the past two weeks, I had the opportunity to appreciate how far I’ve come. I was able to listen to my body, take care of myself, and rest without obsessively worrying about when I’m going to get all of my work done. I was able to surrender to the experience, breathe through all the discomfort, and enjoy being with myself as I recovered. I thought about how 10 years ago, I would have made myself so miserable and stressed, which would have prolonged my recovery. I felt so much gratitude for all the healing and all the growth.

Now, I can be on the beach and simply enjoy feeling my toes in the sand, say “no” to commitments that I don’t have the time, space, or energy for, take breaks without feeling guilty, and ask for what I need with clarity and confidence. I see this all as such a gift and a source of power in a world that is always pushing us to do more.

So as we are going through the end-of-the-year crunch and preparing for the New Year, I wanted to share my journey to remind you to please choose yourself, your health, and your well-being. Choose to redesign your life in a way that honors you.

Plan to take moments to simply be and breathe - even if it is just for 2 minutes per day. I read somewhere that taking deep breaths is like sending little love notes to our bodies - and they are! Every little bit counts and adds up over time in preventing us from burning out and helping us show up as our best selves.

So please be gentle with yourself and your body. Have compassion for yourself. You are not weak. You are not selfish. You are human. You matter and your needs matter. 

And remember: Just because you can do it all, it doesn’t mean that you have to.

Have the courage to give yourself permission to not do it all and say “no”. Give yourself permission to not be perfect. Give yourself permission to ask for help, to be human, to rest, and to be enough just as you are - because you are.

On that note, I’m also giving myself more time and space to rest and recover and look forward to writing to you again in 2023!

Sending so much love and light your way,

Maliheh