A Reason Behind Burnout That May Surprise You, and What it Takes to Heal

Dear friends,

Burnout is real. Many high-achieving individuals have either experienced it or are at risk for burnout. I’ve definitely been there and it has taken me years to recover and find a healthy balance in my life.

And the real reason behind my burnout may surprise you. It is something that I know many of us struggle with because of the way our world and systems are designed, and it could be putting you at risk for burnout.

I burned out not because I put too much on my plate or was pushing myself too hard. Yes, I did do those things, but they were just symptoms of a deeper issue.

The real reason I burned out was that I was living in fear. 

I was living in fear of not being enough, not doing enough, and disappointing myself and others.

This made it impossible for me to rest. In fact, I was incapable of resting without feeling incredibly guilty and anxious. At the core, pushing myself into overdrive was a trauma response, and it took me years to realize this.

Like many high-achieving women, I grew up in an environment where what I did and how I performed was valued more than who I was. So my self-worth became deeply tied to achieving, doing more, and seeking others’ approval. As a result, “resting” and being still did not feel safe for me. I was constantly in survival mode and driven by fear.

So I kept pushing myself and concepts like “self-compassion”, “setting boundaries”, “self-care”, and “rest” were completely foreign to me.

When I finally crashed and burned, I was forced to rest as my body wouldn’t allow me to do anything else. You wouldn’t think “resting” would be a challenging activity but when you’ve been deprived of it your whole life, learning to rest can feel incredibly scary and uncomfortable. I felt anxious and restless and wanted to crawl out of my skin. 

Healing from burnout meant learning to rest with ease (free of guilt and anxiety) and this was quite a process. It required a paradigm shift and healing myself and my life at a much deeper level than I initially thought.

I had to completely reprogram my mind and my nervous system and redesign my life. This involved many things, including:

• Learning to practice self-compassion

• Allowing myself to receive support from others

• Releasing judgments and old beliefs: I’m not lazy for resting, I’m not weak for needing to rest, I’m not selfish for taking time to rest and care for myself, I don’t need to be perfect, and my worth is not defined by my productivity, achievements, or others’ judgments or perceptions

• Embracing new beliefs: I matter, I’m worthy, and my worth was safe with me; a better way of living, working, and being is possible for me; I AM ENOUGH

• Learning that resting is not a luxury, but a necessity just like air, water, and food

• Stepping into my power and committing to learning about my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs and how to honor them and set healthy boundaries

• Training my body and nervous system to rest with ease, learning to breathe through the discomfort, and being patient with myself and this healing process

• Learning to work with greater ease and joy

• Learning to trust my inner guidance and my body

• Releasing the fears and stepping into faith: I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, whatever is meant for me will not pass me by, I’m being guided to live my best life, and the point of power is in the here and NOW.

As I’ve been recovering from COVID the past two weeks, I had the opportunity to appreciate how far I’ve come. I was able to listen to my body, take care of myself, and rest without obsessively worrying about when I’m going to get all of my work done. I was able to surrender to the experience, breathe through all the discomfort, and enjoy being with myself as I recovered. I thought about how 10 years ago, I would have made myself so miserable and stressed, which would have prolonged my recovery. I felt so much gratitude for all the healing and all the growth.

Now, I can be on the beach and simply enjoy feeling my toes in the sand, say “no” to commitments that I don’t have the time, space, or energy for, take breaks without feeling guilty, and ask for what I need with clarity and confidence. I see this all as such a gift and a source of power in a world that is always pushing us to do more.

So as we are going through the end-of-the-year crunch and preparing for the New Year, I wanted to share my journey to remind you to please choose yourself, your health, and your well-being. Choose to redesign your life in a way that honors you.

Plan to take moments to simply be and breathe - even if it is just for 2 minutes per day. I read somewhere that taking deep breaths is like sending little love notes to our bodies - and they are! Every little bit counts and adds up over time in preventing us from burning out and helping us show up as our best selves.

So please be gentle with yourself and your body. Have compassion for yourself. You are not weak. You are not selfish. You are human. You matter and your needs matter. 

And remember: Just because you can do it all, it doesn’t mean that you have to.

Have the courage to give yourself permission to not do it all and say “no”. Give yourself permission to not be perfect. Give yourself permission to ask for help, to be human, to rest, and to be enough just as you are - because you are.

On that note, I’m also giving myself more time and space to rest and recover and look forward to writing to you again in 2023!

Sending so much love and light your way,

Maliheh