The #1 Mistake Women Make When Asking for What They Want
Dear Friends,
To get what we want in our lives, careers, and businesses, we obviously need to work for it and ask for it. But the #1 mistake I see women making is that while they are asking for what they want and putting in the effort, they do not internally open themselves up to receiving it!
I touched on this in a previous letter, but I see so many women (including myself from time to time) struggling with this that I felt it deserved more focused attention.
So many of us have spent most of our lives prioritizing others, denying ourselves and/or being denied our needs and wants. This can lead to receiving what we want and having our needs met to feel very foreign. It may invoke feelings of fear, anxiety, and guilt. We may even sabotage and push away what we want without realizing that we are doing this.
This can keep stuck, but we have the power to change.
To elevate our lives, careers, businesses, and the world, we must be internally open to receiving the positive outcomes we are working towards.
Assuming that you are clear about what you need and want (if not, this may help), and the external environment is malleable (which I know can be a major barrier as well), here is what you need to do to identify your internal blocks and open yourself up to receiving:
You’ve got to believe that what you want is possible. If you don’t believe that it is a real possibility, then you won’t fully be open to receiving it even if it shows up. You may not even recognize it! Know that if you can imagine it and desire it, then it is possible to receive it. Connect with what it FEELS like to receive what you want. Will you feel appreciated? Happy? Safe? Valued? Calm? Excited? Supported? Nourished? Held? Really let yourself feel it in your body. The more you familiarize yourself with the feelings associated with having what you want and can imagine yourself receiving it, the easier it is for you to receive it once it knocks on your door.
You’ve got to believe that you are worthy of receiving what you want. If you don’t believe that you are worthy of receiving what you want, then you’ll find a way to keep it out of reach. Remember that your worth is not defined by your work, your productivity, your career, your accomplishments, your social situation, your income, your status, your followers, your appearance, or anything external. Your worth is derived internally and by deeply connecting with your inner being. You are enough just as you are and you are worthy of having your needs met, feeling good, thriving, and receiving what you want. Remind yourself of this every single day!
You’ve got to have the space to receive what you want. This means you need to get really good at RELEASING whatever is occupying unnecessary mental, emotional, or physical space and and is not aligned with what you want. These could be old fear-based beliefs, negative habits, past patterns, expectations, goals, tasks, mental and physical clutter, and even people. For example, if you want to step into your power as an authentic leader, you need to release the belief that you have to be perfect all the time and give yourself the space to learn and grow. Or if you want to receive support, you need to release the beliefs that you have to do and know it all and that being supported is a sign of weakness. What are you holding on to that is not aligned with what you want? Free yourself and let it go.
You’ve got to have the ability to embrace and appreciate receiving what you want. You need to give yourself permission to have what you want and let yourself feel good about having it. This may involve healing and reprogramming your nervous system to develop the capacity to relax into receiving and having what you want, and not always be in striving and survival mode. After striving for so many years, getting what you want and settling into a feeling of peace around receiving it can feel so unfamiliar that it can provoke anxiety and make you push it away or want to jump to the next goal right away. Imagining and feeling yourself having what you want and feeling at ease about it as I described before and having a consistent meditation and breathing practice can be really helpful (start with 10 minutes of meditation and three deep breaths per day).
Here is an exercise that can help you further identify any internal blocks you may have:
Quiet your mind and ask yourself: “If [what you really want] showed up today, would I be open to receiving it?”
Listen deeply. If you don’t hear yourself responding with an enthusiastic “YES!” then this is your invitation to get curious. If you notice hesitation or even hear a “No”, ask yourself why.
It could be that you actually want something different but were not aware of it. Remember, it is not just about asking for what you think you should want, it is about asking for what you want and what is aligned with who you are and who you want to be.
This could also be a sign that you still have some limiting beliefs and internal blocks to receiving. Get curious and have a conversation and negotiation with yourself until you feel yourself getting to a “YES!”. I find that journaling and seeing the conversation on paper really helps me gain clarity.
Ultimately, allowing yourself to receive and say “YES!” to what you want requires courage. Courage to dream, to feel worthy, to release the past, to release the guilt, to be open, and to have the courage to step into the next phase of your life.
I hope you find the courage to say “YES!” to yourself and allow yourself to receive more love, joy, health, abundance, support, and success.
Happy receiving!
Maliheh
P.S. I loved talking about how we can ask for more of what we want in my podcast with the wonderful Alexandra Carter, world-renowned negotiator and author of “Ask for More”. If you need a little more inspiration and guidance, feel free to listen to our conversation here.