How Founders Can Avoid Losing Their "Why" and Their Way

Dear friends,

When we lose our connection with our “why”, we also gradually start to lose our way and our creativity. We struggle with motivation, procrastination, chronic stress, and fatigue, and get into the mode of simply existing, surviving, and putting out fires, instead of joyfully thriving.

We may KNOW what our “why” is from an intellectual level, we may even remind ourselves of it regularly and have it plastered on our walls, in our company mission statements, and all over our office spaces, but if we don’t consistently FEEL connected with it in our hearts, that’s where things start to unravel.

I advise female founders and all of them start out their entrepreneurship journey driven by their “why”. They initially know exactly who they want to serve and why and are feeling the burning fire to follow their “why”. They overcome so many obstacles and start building amazing companies that are having a positive impact on the world. But eventually, the weight of day-to-day demands, expectations, and challenges start wearing them down, and before they know it, some find themselves lost, drained, exhausted, and on the brink of shutdown.

Obviously, there could be many other contributing factors, but for purpose-driven founders, I’ve observed that feeling disconnected from their “why” is often a common one. I’ve definitely been there myself, too, and it is a painful and confusing experience. Fortunately, it has resulted in a lot of growth, and from this experience, I have developed a sustainable solution that I’m about to share with you.

From a behavioral science perspective, and as James Clear explains in Atomic Habits (one of my favorite books by the way!), “You do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.”

To truly flourish as a leader and as a founder, you need to design an efficient system to keep you consistently connected with your “why” intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

The goal is to build a system that gives you the greatest feeling of connection and the most significant return for your time for the least amount of resistance and investment. What this would look like for you would be highly dependent on your current situation and your unique environment, needs, personality, and preferences.

I have developed a whole methodology that helps me identify what would work best for my clients, but at the core, your system needs two key elements:

1. At least one intervention that helps you FEEL your “why” on a regular basis. The best way that I’ve found to do this for my clients and I is to find a way to experience and FEEL the impact our products or services are having on the end-user (i.e. the actual people we are serving and/or trying to serve). When was the last time you felt that you were making a difference in your customers’ lives? How did you become aware of this impact and the feeling? How could you keep replicating this? Brainstorm a list and make sure the intervention you choose has the following components:

   1. It is done in a way that is efficient, easy to implement, and also truly nourishing, enjoyable (dare I say even “fun”), and energizing to you. We are not trying to create more work for you. We are trying to add nourishment and inspiration to give you a boost of energy to get through the rest of your work with greater joy and ease.

   2. It is scheduled to be experienced on a periodic and consistent basis. Determining the frequency is very important. You don’t want to overdo it and overwhelm yourself, but you want to make sure that you ALWAYS stay nourished and maintain a rhythm that is sustainable for you.

   3. It needs to provide you with variety so this practice doesn’t just become something you start doing out of habit and eventually lose interest in. Variety helps you the curiosity and joy of it alive.

2. A brief, yet potent, daily practice. This is to help you continue the momentum and not let a single day pass without experiencing the joy of knowing and feeling your “why”. When is a good time for you to sit for five minutes to drop into your heart and feel your “why”? What can help you access this heart space quickly and easily? Do you have an established habit that you can pair this new daily practice with?

To illustrate, here is an example from a founder that I’ve worked with:  

Based on her background, journey, vision, personality, interests, business needs, and curiosity, we designed a system for her to have weekly calls with the actual end users of her company’s technology. We even came up with a fun name for the weekly calls that made her smile and look forward to it every time she looked at her calendar. This intervention gave her customers a chance to feel valued, seen, and heard by connecting with the Founder and CEO directly. Not to mention, it provided my client with so much joy to connect with these individuals and hear how they were using her technology to improve their lives. As an added bonus, by hearing the users’ stories, experiences, and feedback, my client received plenty of ideas on how to improve her technology and the user experience. She was able to brainstorm new ideas with existing customers and see their genuine reactions. So in a way, this system also doubled as a source of consistent qualitative field research for her. And because each week she met with a completely new individual, it kept her curious and engaged. 

In addition, she was to take five minutes every day to set a conscious intention for her workday, really FEEL her why, and dedicate the work that she was about to do to the individuals she was serving. She was to do this every morning when she already had the habit of reviewing her calendar for the day, so it was easy for her to remember and implement. This helped her step into the space of feeling love for her work and approaching the day with enthusiasm for all that she could accomplish and the impact that she could have.

My client literally couldn’t wait to get off the call with me to start implementing this system, and she did. It helped her stay connected with her “why” and feel alive, energized, and creative again. It made a world of difference for her, her company, and her customers.

It is important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all system and our needs continue to change, so our systems need to adapt as well. We are all different and you need to explore, experiment, and intentionally design a system that works best for you and continue to improve it.

Of course, there are situations where individuals realize that their company and/or work is not making a positive impact and that could be what is draining them. That is a whole different conversation we can have at another time. Or it could be that your “why” is related to something other than the impact of your business. You can still use the same approach and build a system around connecting with the positive feeling of your “why”.

Assuming that your business is already making a positive impact (or it is on its way there) and that is what your “why” is related to, I truly hope these reminders and strategies help you develop the systems necessary to support you. 

You deserve to feel energized, nourished, and to show up with your full presence - radiating with light, love, and joy!

And thank you for being part of my system of connecting with my “why”. Writing these letters, receiving your responses, and connecting with you nourishes me more than you could imagine. 

Sending you my love and gratitude,

Maliheh

A Leader’s Guide to Providing Critical Feedback

Dear friends,

In a previous letter, I shared what every leader needs to determine before providing critical feedback that could be perceived as “negative”. If you haven’t read that already, please take a few minutes to go back and read that first (you can find it here).

Cultivating the ability to have difficult conversations is essential for developing a healthy workplace environment. That is why, in this letter, we get to the how of providing critical feedback so that it has a positive impact and promotes learning and growth. Obviously, so much of this depends on the specific contexts and this is meant to be a general guide for leaders and managers who may need to provide critical feedback to an individual employee about their work performance.

Now, very quickly, some of these go without saying, but here are some behaviors you definitely want to avoid:

1. DO NOT use humor - this can work for some people, but it can also backfire. It can be perceived as you making fun of the individual and/or their challenges. It would be best to avoid it in feedback-giving situations.

2. DO NOT call them out in front of others. Public shaming and embarrassment are not necessary.

3. DO NOT use inappropriate, disrespectful, foul, or hurtful language

4. DO NOT yell, scream, or raise your voice - if you are feeling angry or frustrated, go and privately calm yourself down first before attempting to talk to anyone.

5. DO NOT offer unsolicited feedback when it is not necessary to do so (check out my previous letter on this, here)

6. DO NOT spring unsolicited feedback on someone without laying the proper foundations

7. DO NOT make the feedback personal by criticizing them as a person, their personality, or their appearance 

8. DO NOT assume that you have all the information and that you know everything

This is not meant to be an exhaustive list as unfortunately, so many people are traumatized every day by countless unhealthy and toxic behaviors at work. But you get the idea. The goal here is to promote a culture of respect, compassion, curiosity, learning, and growth. 

Hopefully, you have already cultivated a culture of learning and growth, where everyone is valued and respected. That would be an ideal starting point. (I’ll write more about how to do this more in future bi-weekly letters. Make sure to subscribe to receive my letters in your inbox.)

Assuming an established growth-oriented and respectful culture as your starting point, here are the essential elements to making sure your valuable feedback and suggestions for improvement have a positive impact:

1. Check-in and get grounded with your intention. Why do you want to provide this critical feedback? What do you hope providing this feedback will achieve? Please be honest with yourself and catch yourself if you feel the urge to give feedback because you want to prove that you know more, or are superior, or are in control, or if you or your work feel threatened somehow. That’s ego-driven feedback, which never lands well. A great intention behind giving feedback is: To empower the recipient with necessary knowledge and support their success and wellbeing. Write out your intention clearly. For example, “My intention behind giving this feedback is that I want to support Susan’s work and make it easier for her to thrive in this company. This is out of my care and concern for her success and wellbeing.” Clearly stating your intention will help you get your mindset right and will set the tone for the entire conversation. 

2. Clarify the objective feedback you want to provide. What have you observed about this person’s performance or behavior at work that is a cause for concern or an area for improvement? How can you state this without casting blame or judgment? You want to approach it from a place of curiosity. As with the intention, write it out first and make sure you are being as objective and factual as possible. For example: “Susan has missed three work deadlines this month” is an objective observation. But “Susan is not dedicated to her work because she’s missing work deadlines” is full of judgment, assumptions, and possibly bias. (We all have unconscious bias and it is important to be mindful of them.) 

3. How will you offer support? In preparing for the conversation, it is important that you get very clear on what you are willing to do to support this individual besides providing feedback (e.g. how can you or the organization support them so they can improve in the area that you will be pointing out to them?). If you are already providing support, is there  a way you could improve the support you are providing? Keep in mind that giving feedback is only the start. You need to be willing and ready to help them process and implement the feedback if they choose to.

4. Plan for prioritizing psychological safety and making it a conversation. Providing feedback should never be about you declaring your judgments and leaving the employee to process and figure everything out on their own. As an empathetic leader, who genuinely cares about this person and their success, you really need to approach this entire exercise as a conversation and create psychological safety for the recipient. The following insights will help you do that.

5. Make sure the individual is ready to receive your feedback. In fact, it is ideal if the recipient asks for your feedback directly and you are just following up on their request, or you have already developed a consistent practice of asking for feedback and providing feedback in your organization. If they haven’t asked for your feedback or they not expecting it, then please avoid springing unsolicited feedback onto their plate as much as possible. They may be dealing with a lot of other issues that you may be unaware of at the moment. Also, you need to provide your feedback at an appropriate time and space that places the recipient at ease so that they are more likely to hear you and process the feedback. So give them an opportunity to get mentally ready by reaching out first, but at the same time, don’t make it sound like a super scary event that they’ll be dreading. For example, you can say: “Hi Susan, I have some feedback that I believe you’ll find useful. What do you think about setting up a good time for us to discuss?” You are already partnering with them here and starting the conversation. Make sure to schedule enough time to allow for a conversation and some processing of the feedback. Also, hold the meeting in a safe space for the recipient (i.e. not in front of everyone else in the department).

6. Focus the conversation and the feedback on the person’s work, not the person. Research has shown that women are especially more likely to receive feedback that is personal and not constructive. This has to stop. It also significantly derails your efforts of building an inclusive workplace. That’s why I’m stressing the importance of making feedback, whether positive or negative, to be about the individual’s work and performance not about the individual. So instead of, “You are very kind and compassionate”, try “You work with others in a considerate and compassionate way.” Or instead of “You are very detail-oriented and thorough”, try “Your work is very thorough and detailed.” Focus on the work. Period.

7. Start the conversation by stating at least two SINCERE positive affirmations about THEIR WORK. Some argue that this strategy may come across as insincere and dilute the message you are trying to send. I disagree and the research backs me up on this. As I mentioned in my previous letter, neuroscience research has shown that criticism can provoke the brain’s “fight or flight” response and inhibit learning. Research has also shown that we grow most when we focus on our strengths. So this isn’t about sugar-coating or not telling the truth. The aim is to continue creating the foundations for psychological safety and help the recipient feel seen and appreciated and trust your intentions behind providing the feedback - so they know you are not just trying to be critical or difficult. This can help them be more receptive to learning and growing from your feedback. This is your chance to show them why you value their contributions and how they work. For example, you can say something like:  “I see all the effort you put into [the work they are doing]. Your work is very [positive affirmation #1]. I also appreciate how you work with [positive affirmation #2].” Again, make sure your affirmations are truthful and you mean them, and make it about their work, not them as a person. (If you can’t think of two genuine positive affirmations, then you need to really sit with this and dig deeper. It could be a sign that either you are not seeing this employee’s contributions fully or perhaps the conversation needs to be about something else all together.)

8. Next, provide the critical feedback in an objective statement. This means focusing on what area of their work that objectively needs improvement and presenting the facts with care and from a place of curiosity. You’ve already prepared for this as noted in item #2. Following the two positive affirmations, you would simply add something like: “I’ve noticed that you missed three work deadlines this week.”

9. Next, utilize the power of “Tell me”. “TELL ME” are two of the most powerful words you could use to open the door for curious and meaningful conversation. For example, you can build up on the previous point by saying: “I’ve noticed that you missed three work deadlines this week. Tell me about what is going on.” Simply saying something like “What is going on?” can seem accusatory or elicit a simple response such as “Nothing” or “I promise it won’t happen again.” You want to learn and figure out how you can help them by inviting a non-threatening conversation and “tell me” will help you do that. (For more on the power of “tell me”, make sure to check out my podcast conversation with the world-renowned negotiator and author of Ask for More, Alexandra Carter)

10. Be a safe space for vulnerability and emotions. Release the urge to judge and show up with your full presence, open heart, and an open mind. If emotions come up (tears, sadness, disappointment), don’t shut them down. It may make you uncomfortable, but your discomfort is not more valuable than this individual’s emotions. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Remain calm and grounded, and hold space for the emotions. Validate their emotions (i.e. “It is okay to feel sad/frustrated/disappointed”). Give them the space to gather themself and ask them if they are okay and if they want to continue the conversation at another time. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be human. (For more on cultivating emotional agility, check out my podcast conversation with Harvard Medical School psychologist, Susan David.)

11. Really LISTEN and identify how you can support them better. A conversation involves listening and genuinely hearing the other person. Try mirroring back what you understood from what they shared to make sure that you accurately heard them. Ask clarifying questions and get their feedback on how you feel you can best provide the support that they need (not the support that you think they need). This may require a change in habits and some modifications in the way you run your team, business, or organization. 

12. Help them think through how they can improve and what they need to feel supported through this period of growth. Again, this should be a conversation. Allow them to share and hear them. Do not assume that you are bringing up a problem or challenge that they are unaware of. Be open to the possibility that you don’t have all the information and you can learn something and you may not be fully aware of all the challenges this person is contending with. For example, if they are missing deadlines, it could be because they are distracted and/or drained by unexpected care responsibilities at home. Or maybe, they are being sent assignments last minute and without much clarity or direction. Stay open and curious, and help them think through what the obstacles may be, how they can overcome them, and what they need from you to feel supported as they do so.

13. Provide suggestions that are CONSTRUCTIVE, and are presented in a positive frame. “You can improve in this area by preparing for the tasks ahead of time.” This is much more effective than “not leaving things for the last minute.” The latter sounds judgmental and accusatory and could likely trigger the “fight” or “flight” or “freeze” response and get you heading in an unproductive direction. Focus the conversation on the positive behavior you want to see more of.

14. Decide on and document the next steps together. What will they work on? How will they do it? How will you support them through this process? When will you check in again? How will you check-in? What are the next steps for you? What are the next steps for them? Write it all down and share it to make sure you are in agreement and you both can track the trajectory of progress going forward. They should leave the conversation feeling that you are rooting for them to improve and are there to support them - not that you are waiting in the wings to catch them messing up. You don’t want to inspire fear. You want to inspire faith, hope, and genuine care, and partnership. Let them know that you are here to support them and they should feel free to see you as a resource and a guide. Keep the doors of communication open. They should feel safe to follow up with you and come to you if they run into any hurdles. 

I know this may seem like a lot to keep in mind, but if you start with the right intentions and the right approach and framing that creates psychological safety, you should be just fine. If you ever get stuck, a good guiding question is: 

“What is the compassionate thing to do/say right now?”

Please feel free to share this letter with your organization and colleagues and I truly hope these insights help you turn the “negative” feedback and difficult conversations you have with your team members into opportunities for positive impact, learning, and growth.

See you all again in September!

Best wishes to you,

Maliheh

What Every Leader Needs to Determine Before Providing Critical Feedback

Dear friends,

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a letter on “The Leader’s Guide to Processing and Overcoming Negative Feedback.”

Your responses were incredibly energizing and I feel so grateful that so many of you found the insights helpful and even “healing.”

While learning to process and overcome negative feedback is important as leaders, we also need to be very careful when providing feedback.

Most of us are intending to be helpful when we share what we think of a person’s performance and how they can improve. While intentions matter, they must also be paired with the appropriate actions. Fortunately, we have science- and experience-backed strategies to help.

So how do you give feedback that could be perceived as “negative”?

The first thing you have to do is determine whether giving this feedback is absolutely necessary. You need to explore if there are more effective alternatives and whether there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.

Neuroscience research has shown that criticism and negative feedback can trigger the “fight or flight” response in our brain, which narrows its activity and hinders our learning.

We definitely want to avoid causing this as much as possible.

So what could you do instead of giving feedback?

Focus on the individuals’ strengths and get creative about cultivating those strengths.

I once had a client whose employee was struggling to improve their sales numbers. My client had tried giving feedback and advising this person before, but she hadn’t noticed any signs of progress. She really cared about her employee, but she also needed to keep her business’ growth and financial interests in mind and was feeling torn about what to do.

I advised her to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

I asked, “Is this person passionate about the mission of your business and are there parts of her job that she does really well?” She responded: “Yes!” and “Yes!”

With that, I knew there was an opportunity here that we needed to explore.

Turns out, the employee was amazing at building strategic connections and partnerships, which was an integral part of the business development process and growth agenda. She just wasn’t good at converting those connections into financial sales.

So I advised my client to help this employee harness their strength even more by creating a new position that allows her to focus on what she is really good at without being weighed down by the responsibility of what she is struggling with. I also advised my client to designate someone else who excels at (and enjoys) sales to focus on driving up sales. This required some organizational reshuffling and it needed to be framed in a way that would make the employee feel like their strengths were being seen and valued (instead of them feeling like they are being pushed aside).

My client’s eyes lit up when she heard this strategy and we developed a step-by-step plan to help her make all of this happen. And as soon as she started implementing, she found the ideal salesperson almost immediately! Not only did my client’s employee feel valued and started to thrive by building on her strengths and having more peace of mind with her new stable income that wasn’t commission-based, but the business growth started to take off with more fruitful strategic partnerships and stronger sales.

So the key point here is this (and I mean this with the utmost appreciation for your genuine intentions to help the people you care about):

The need to provide critical and negative feedback could be signaling the need to look deeper and expand your vision and creativity:

1. Take a step back and look at the bigger picture: Could this situation be providing you with important feedback? How could it be providing an opportunity to expand your leadership capacity, improve your workplace, and/or grow your business/organization?

2. Ask yourself if this person is passionate about your organization’s mission. If not, how can you help them connect more deeply with your organization’s “why” and create a workplace culture where employees stay connected with that mission?

3. Assess the person’s strengths and whether those strengths are aligned with the individual’s core responsibilities

4. Find creative ways to bridge the gap by strategically cultivating their strengths and providing them with the conditions to thrive

Remember that your job as a leader is to identify people’s strengths, activate their intrinsic motivation, and empower them to thrive as their authentic selves. Instead of placing the onus on the employee, make sure you are first taking responsibility for creating ideal workplaces and conditions for the employees to focus on their strengths and flourish.

Now, if you are already doing all of this and you determine that providing the critical feedback is necessary, we get to the how. 

We want to make sure that the “negative” feedback you provide has a positive impact and promotes learning and growth. It is a delicate balance, but it is possible. Stay tuned as I’ll provide you with a detailed step-by-step guide on how to do this in the next letter.

For now, keep seeing and boosting all the goodness and amazing potential that’s already around you!

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

Five Keys to Bringing More Ease and Joy into Your Work

Dear friends,

I hope you all are staying well, keeping your spirits up, and prioritizing self-care. As I mentioned in my last letter, we all have the capacity to be powerful agents of change and it looks like we continue to have a long road ahead to ensure women’s rights, freedoms, and their thriving in our world.

Last week, I began reading The Lightmaker’s Manifesto: How to Work For Change Without Losing Your Joy. It inspired me to share the letter I had drafted for you before with five keys to help you bring more ease and joy into your work.

It is possible to work and work for change with lightness and joy and I hope these insights help you do that.

Enjoy!

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We all know that work, especially meaningful work, requires a lot of effort, energy, and time. 

But how we work matters because it can dramatically shape the quality of our work and our life.

For some of us, when we think of “work”, it is with a sense of overwhelm or dread—I’ve been there!

Even if it is work that we are passionate about, we approach it with a lot of heaviness, carrying all the responsibility, expectations, fears, and pressures with us at every turn—I’ve been there too!

Most of us also carry some unhealthy beliefs about what work should be like and if you come from an immigrant background like myself, then there may be a lot of additional pressures and expectations to live up to as well. You may also be taught that work must be difficult and if you are not suffering, grinding, and gritting all the time, you didn’t work hard enough or your work is not worthwhile.

But we can redefine all of that. While it is healthy to be challenged – that’s how we grow – it is possible to work without constantly suffering, pushing, and gritting. It is possible to work with ease and joy.

Here are the top five insights that can help you do that:

1. Make the mindset shift: it is safe for work to feel effortless and joyful. Release the belief that you need to suffer, constantly struggle, and be overly busy and drained for you and your work to be important enough or worthy enough. So much of this old belief system is driven by fear. You’ve got to believe that a better way of being is possible for you and you are worthy of creating your best life (I wrote more about this in a previous letter).

   Permit yourself to be the kind of person, founder, entrepreneur, and leader who gives and serves with ease and joy, while lovingly giving to yourself. This mindset shift may take some time and like anything, it can happen with regular practice. 

2. Choose to stay in the present moment. Obsessing about the future or the past will only add unnecessary pain. Yes, we need to learn from past experiences and plan for the future, but the point of power is only in the present moment. Here and now is where life is happening. Here and now is where you have the agency to make choices, trust your curiosity, embrace your creativity, and savor the unfolding of life. Here and now is where we can catch the beautiful moments and key insights that would otherwise pass us by.

   Permit yourself to simply be here, and show up with your full presence. Meditation is a wonderful practice to help you train your mind to stay in the present moment. Research has shown that even 10 minutes a day can make a significant difference in reducing stress, and increasing mental clarity and focus. 

3. Prioritize your well-being daily. Once you allow yourself to be present, you can also allow yourself to connect with yourself, your body, and your needs in the present moment. You must prioritize doing the things that nourish you and bring you to life.

   For example, having a proper sleep schedule, moving your body, spending time in nature, spending time with people who energize you, nourishing your mind with uplifting content and your body with delicious and nutritious foods, taking deep breaths throughout the day, and meditating. These are not luxuries, these are necessities to help you feel your best and stay grounded so you can live intentionally, enjoy each day as much as possible, and share your best self with the world. And you don’t need to start by establishing a regimented and elaborate routine that you feel overwhelmed by. Simply start with 10-15 minutes of purposeful action that allows you to be in the present and prioritize your wellbeing. 

4. Whatever you do, do it with love. Feel the love for yourself, love for the people you work with, love for the people you serve, love for your audience, and love for everyone you touch, and bring it into every step you take.

   Love is the most powerful force there is. When you work with and from a place of love, your ego and fears don’t have the space or opportunity to take over. Your work will come from a more authentic place, your ideas will flow more easily and effortlessly, you will find taking action more energizing, and your loving actions will resonate out into the world in a more powerful and impactful way.

5. Stay in gratitude and celebrate your small daily wins. Constantly pushing and thinking about all the items left on your to-do list (future thinking) keeps you in a state of lack, fear, overwhelm, and not-enoughness. Instead, cultivate gratitude and give yourself permission to celebrate and appreciate where you are on your journey today. 

   You can do this by creating a practice of ending your workday by writing down three small wins that you are feeling grateful for. For example, today, I feel grateful that (1) I was able to draft this letter for you, (2) I chatted with a lovely prospective client, and (3) I was able to take some time to meditate on and brainstorm about my next steps for a project that I’m very passionate about. While I still have lots left to do, I genuinely feel grateful for where I am right now and this allows me to keep moving forward with ease and joy.

We all have our ups and downs. We all have our tough days and tough times. But our days are not supposed to just be painful means to a future end. Even on our toughest days, we can allow ourselves brief moments of ease and gratitude.

We are meant to be challenged to grow while also enjoying and savoring each day of our journey here. No matter where you are on your journey, I hope these insights help you bring more joy into how you work, serve, and give.

Wishing you endless moments love, ease, and joy,

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh

Moving Through Difficult Times Together

Dear friends,

I had prepared a thought-out letter for you all with insights for adding more ease and joy to our work, but it didn’t feel right to send it today. 

Like many of you, I’m still processing the Supreme Court leak and what it could mean for women and our rights in the US.

I can feel the collective fear, anger, disappointment, and frustration.

I’m really struggling to find comforting words to offer at this time and I realized, that is okay.

Sometimes life is about learning to acknowledge and sit through all the pain and discomfort we feel. Sometimes the road ahead is not clear and it can feel scary. That is okay too.

We can hold ourselves and hold each other through these times. 

We can choose to breathe and move through the pain and discomfort, one moment at a time. 

We can remember that everything in life is impermanent and we are powerful agents of change.

We can trust that no matter what happens, we will value and support ourselves and each other. We will recharge, rebuild, and come back stronger than ever.

Please know that you are not alone. I’m breathing with you… If it would help, you are welcome to write to me (simply reply to this email) and share how you are feeling. I’m here and I will make sure to respond to you – directly and privately.

If you are looking for a simple guide to help you better support the women in your life during this time, please feel free to review the letter I wrote a couple of weeks ago. You can find it here and I hope it helps.

We will get through this struggle together. 

One breath, one moment, and one day at a time.

Sending you all so much love,

Maliheh

The Leader’s Guide to Processing and Overcoming Negative Feedback

Dear Friends,

We all need feedback to improve, but let’s face it, getting feedback that is unfavorable doesn’t always feel good and we’ve all been there. 

It can lead to a lot of self-doubt and self-criticism on top of the external criticism we just received. We may also feel discouraged, it could lead us to shut down and even end up getting completely derailed. This can be even worse for women as research has shown that we are more likely to internalize negative feedback than men. Unfortunately, women are also more likely to be recipients of criticism and feedback that is more personal and less constructive.

But this can’t deter us. Negative feedback is unavoidable, especially if we are breaking ground, challenging norms, and changing the status quo. No matter how careful and considerate we are, some people are going to resist change and we won’t be able to please everyone - nor should we try to. Additionally, if we are pioneers in uncharted waters, the path forward is not always clear, and “mistakes” can happen (we are human after all), which could invite negative feedback.

Sometimes the negative feedback is well-meaning and can be constructive, sometimes it is delivered poorly and hurtfully, sometimes it comes from the sender’s own insecurities or resistance, and sometimes it comes from ignorance, bias, or hate.

I’ve definitely received my fair share of negative feedback as I’ve always had the tendency to go against what was expected of me, and the same goes for most of my clients. So I’m going to share with you my top practices to help you stay open and continue to thrive as you turn negative feedback into stepping stones for success.

Here we go!

1. First and foremost, remember that your self-worth must always be safe and secure with you. Do not let yourself be defined by your work, your productivity, your career, your accomplishments, your social situation, your income, your status, your followers, your appearance, or anything external. Don’t give outside forces and voices the power to alter how you value yourself. Your worth needs to be derived internally and by deeply connecting with your inner being. Know and remember that while you continue to grow and evolve, your worth as a human being can always be internally safe and secure.

2. Secondly, and I can’t say this enough: You’ve got to be self-compassionate! You need to create internal safety and know that no matter what the external world tells you or how harsh they are “out there”, you’ll be kind and gentle with yourself “in here.” It is about treating and speaking to yourself like a child or friend you adore. This doesn’t mean that you don’t acknowledge your current circumstances and live in denial. In fact, it is the opposite. Being self-compassionate could sound like: “I know people are not accepting of what I’m doing right now (or I know I made a mistake, I’m human and I’m allowed to make mistakes). I choose to be kind to myself as I learn and grow from this.” (For more, listen to my podcast conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff, the pioneer in self-compassion research.)

3. Let yourself FEEL whatever emotions are coming up for you. Frustration? Disappointment? Fear? Anxiety? Sadness? A mix? Feel them all. As I’ve mentioned before, you are not your emotions. You want to feel your emotions to release them, not wallow in them or act on them in unproductive ways. They are just emotions and can be uncomfortable, but you are capacious enough to feel them and breathe through them. The emotions just want to be acknowledged, and journaling about how you are feeling can help you process them more easily. (For more, listen to my podcast conversation with Dr. Susan David, Harvard Medical School Psychologist, and author of Emotional Agility.)

4. Set some boundaries and give yourself a grace period to get grounded. Resist the temptation to respond and react immediately. Breathe. Give yourself a little time and space to regroup and for the dust to settle so you can see the situation more clearly - even if it is just 10 minutes of getting quiet and going inward. If you are being pushed to respond, you can always say something like: “I appreciate your patience as I take a little time to give this feedback the attention it deserves. I want to make sure that I respond in a thoughtful manner.” 

5. Process the feedback from a place of curiosity, not judgment. Every experience brings opportunities for growth, so release your judgments about yourself and who you are receiving the feedback from and get curious about what you can learn from the feedback–if anything. The lessons may be about the experience of receiving this feedback and how it was delivered rather than the actual feedback itself. Get curious and extract as many lessons as you can. Sharing with your trusted circle of advisors can also help you process the feedback from different perspectives and use the insights to fuel your growth. This brings me to my next point:

6. Use the lessons to fuel your growth and impact. The implementation strategies here would depend on the lessons provided by the feedback and the experience. Ideally, you’ll want to apply the lessons to improve mindsets and/or behaviors in a productive way. Some experimentation and adaptation may also be necessary. Start with taking small steps and continue learning and modifying your approach and application as needed.

7. Appropriately respond to the feedback. Obviously, your response would highly depend on the context and the feedback. Remember that no response is also a response and that is always an option and at times, the healthiest one. If you do want to respond directly, generally speaking, I would recommend crafting your response with as much kindness and compassion as possible. There is a Persian saying from Rumi that I grew up with: “az mohabbat kharha gol mishavad”, “with loving kindness, thorns bloom into flowers”. That’s something I try to live by, but you need to trust yourself to respond in a way that is constructive and feels right for you and your situation.

I hope these practices help you whenever you encounter any negative feedback.

Negative feedback comes with the territory, especially if you are a woman and working to create real change in the world. So make sure to get proactive about creating internal security and safety, cultivating your inner peace, emotional agility, and a growth mindset and you’ll be unstoppable!

I know it may sound like a lot of additional things are being asked of you, but you don’t have to embody all of these practices overnight. Be gentle with yourself–remember? You are building your resilience muscles and they can take time. Start small and for now, keep this letter as a reference for whenever you need these reminders. 

Also, let’s please remember to be kind, compassionate, and constructive when we give feedback to one another. Let’s try to lift each other up, encourage, and support one another–more on this and on providing feedback in future letters.

For now, let’s keep on learning, growing, and shining!

Onwards and upwards!

Maliheh

The #1 Key to Increasing Your Impact

Dear Friends,

We all aspire toward “being the change” we wish to see in the world, yet, many individuals have major blindspots in this area, which gets in their way of making the impact they want to make.

I once had a client who was a passionate founder and entrepreneur working hard to support and nourish mothers through technology, but she was feeling depleted and lost. The main issue was that she completely forgot about nourishing the most important mother of all: herself! Once she committed to making herself a priority, she was able to find herself again and it led to redesigning her life and how she ran her organization. She began to thrive and so did her business of nourishing others.

To maximize your impact, you need to fully embody the change you want to create in the world from the inside out - both for yourself and your organization. It is about deeply examining how you treat yourself and everyone in your life, and how you run your organization.

This may seem daunting at first, but if you turn toward this internal exploration with curiosity, self-compassion, and optimism, it can lead to an exciting, fulfilling, and incredibly rewarding transformational process.

It can also propel the success and impact of your organization. Generally, the internal conditions of the founders, leaders, teams, and the systems that are in place will be reflected in the level of external success or failure of any organization or business.

Unfortunately, many organizations focus on “making it happen” out in the world, while neglecting how they are “making it happen” internally. This can lead to a lot of turmoil.

If your mission is not deeply aligned with your actions in all areas of your life and leadership, then life will likely keep sending you challenges to alert you. Hopefully, you will be paying attention and these challenges can guide you and your organization to redirect and realign.

For example, another client of mine was a driven leader of a women’s empowerment organization, but she was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and her days were filled with putting out one fire after another just to keep herself and her organization afloat. She was trying to empower others, but she wasn’t empowering herself to ask for the support that she needed and her employees were not feeling empowered to talk about what was going wrong inside the organization. Thankfully, she was able to realize this just in time. Once she created a safe space for her employees to share and be vulnerable and allowed herself to lean on them for support, together, they were able to fix the structural issues that were hindering their growth and impact.

So when you are trying to create a positive change in the world, but are met with lots of struggle and turmoil, I hope you get curious about looking inward. Evaluate how you can better bring that change into your own life and organization and make sure you embody it from the inside out.

When you and your organization are truly aligned with your mission, then your work of fulfilling that mission will flow with greater ease and joy.

That’s the #1 key to increasing your impact and making the change you wish to see in the world: wholeheartedly embodying and modeling that change in ALL areas of your life and organization.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” from the inside out and the change may come even sooner than you imagine!

Best wishes to you on this powerful journey,

Maliheh

Three Core Beliefs You Need to Create Your Best Life

Dear Friends,

The other day, a friend of mine called me for some advice. After nearly two decades of excelling in a soul-crushing industry, she’s finally ready to find a path that better honors who she is and would finally bring her joy and a sense of fulfillment. 

The problem is: she is feeling incredibly scared of taking a new direction and sailing in uncharted waters.

So I asked her, “How many more years do you want fear to rule your life?”

She paused for a moment and said, “You know, come to think of it, if I’m really honest with myself, my entire career has been built on fear!”

I responded, “Yeah and you’ve done really well in your career so far having built it all on fear. Now, imagine how much more amazing your career would be if you build it on love instead!”

She got really quiet and then said, “Wow. I never thought about it that way!”

So many of us stick to what we know because it feels safe, even if we are miserable. It is as if we are walking through a dark tunnel and holding on to the handrails for dear life as we inch our way forward. But because others have walked through this tunnel and reported some relatively positive outcomes, we keep inching away no matter how frustrated, tired, uninspired, and unfulfilled we feel. 

But what if you let go of the handrails (or at least freed up one hand) to turn on the light switch instead? You may be able to move forward more quickly and/or see another path that is lighter and brighter ahead. 

In my work, I often guide my clients to turn on the light to fully see their journey and thrive as they navigate uncharted waters. 

Both in my work and in my personal journey, I’ve found that three core beliefs are required to begin lighting the path that honors you:

1. You’ve got to really and truly value yourself. You’ve got to believe that you deserve better and you are worthy of working and living in a way that honors you and brings you joy, vibrant health, abundance, and fulfillment. 

   If you don’t believe this in your core, then please see this as an invitation to do some exploring and heal what could be blocking you from valuing yourself and seeing yourself as worthy. A good therapist can also help you navigate this process.

2. You’ve got to believe that better is possible. Allow yourself to imagine the best possibility for yourself where you would be feeling healthy, joyful, energized, grounded, supported, inspired, confident, and fulfilled. Life is full of abundance and possibilities, and if you are able to see a better life and career for yourself, then know, it is possible for you to create it.

   If you aren’t able to see a better possibility for your life, give yourself the permission to dream and visualize a life that would honor your needs and allow you to thrive with ease and joy. What makes you feel like the most vibrant version of yourself? If you wanted to feel this way everyday, what kind of support would you have? How would you be taking care of yourself? What would your daily routine look like? What kind of people would you be interacting with? What kind of work would you be doing? Who would you be serving and impacting? Choose one of these questions to journal about to help get you started.

3. You’ve got to believe that you are enough. You are already endowed with everything you need in order to thrive and bring forth the best path for you. Now, this doesn’t mean that you know everything you will ever need to know. This means that you are ready to receive the better life that you deserve and you already have the necessary capacity to learn and adapt as you move forward. 

   If you are struggling with this, try a daily practice of looking into the mirror, really looking into your eyes, and affirming for yourself “I am enough.” “I am enough exactly as I am right now.” “I am enough to receive _______.”
   

With these core beliefs, you adopt a new way of being.

Once you are being someone who truly values themself, knows that better is possible, and believes that they are enough to receive better, then, the “how” and the process of unfolding can really ignite. And for that, you’ve also got to be able to navigate all the uncertainty that accompanies it. 

I’ll make sure to share some of my insights and tips about dealing with uncertainty in future letters. But for now, I really hope this helps, especially if you are feeling stuck, frustrated, stagnant, uninspired wherever you are. 

Please get curious and pay attention to what these feelings could be telling you. These emotions are providing valuable data that could redirect you to a way of living and working that can bring you more joy and help you thrive in every aspect of your life.

You have only one life to live. 

Please stop letting fear rule your life. 

Build your life on love instead.

Love and value yourself. Believe in yourself and what could be possible for you. And create the life that is best for you! 

Maliheh

Celebrating Women Isn’t Enough, Here’s How You Can Support Them

Dear Friends,

We all know that celebrating women, their contributions, and impact is important. Women’s History Month, International Women’s Day, Mother’s Day, and birthdays (it happens to be my mom’s birthday today - Happy Birthday Maman!) present us with some additional opportunities for celebration.

However, women don’t just need to be celebrated. They also need to be supported and appreciated for who they truly are throughout the year.

Women deserve to be encouraged to dream, to pursue their passions, and to thrive in every aspect of their lives.

Unfortunately, so many women are not getting the support that they need and deserve. This is also true for women leaders and I never forget the moment that I realized this as it changed my life forever!

Years ago, I had a chance meeting with a radiant and highly accomplished woman leader who was at the helm of a women’s empowerment organization. During our conversation, I got the sense that she is constantly juggling multiple roles, putting out fires, and supporting everyone around her. It felt like a lot for one person to be handling on their own. I started to wonder, “How is she being supported through all of this?”

So I asked her, “I’m curious. It is very clear that you are incredibly passionate, capable, and doing amazing work to empower so many women. You also have a board to answer to, funds to raise, projects to oversee, employees to support, public appearances to make, and it seems like you are there for everyone. Who is supporting you as you are doing all of this?”

She looked at me with a blank stare and said, “What do you mean?”

I said, “Who is supporting you?  Encouraging you?  Elevating you?”

She again, had a blank stare. I kept going, “Who do you have to vent to? Brainstorm with? Strategize with? And lean on?”

She paused for a moment and finally said, “No one.”

I was shocked!

I remember thinking “What’s the point if we keep saying we need more women in leadership, if once they get there, they are not supported and end up getting burned out?”

My heart truly broke for her. Next thing I knew, I found myself saying, “If you let me, I’ll be that person for you!”

Her eyes lit up, she breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back in her chair as if the weight of the world was just lifted off her shoulders. 

She ended up becoming my inspiration and advising her put me on the path to becoming an advisor for women founders, entrepreneurs, and changemakers.

While I’m grateful for the opportunity to work with amazing women to help them birth their visions and ideas in a way that also honors them and creates meaningful change in the world, I believe that we all (men and women) have a responsibility to do more to support women. 

Here’s how you can support the women in your life:

1. Be a safe space. Be kind, compassionate, and understanding. Release the urge to judge, analyze, assume, and give solutions. Simply show up with your full presence, open heart, and an open mind.

2. Be genuinely curious and ask the women in your life what they NEED to feel more supported. Be mindful of the fact that some women may not be very clear about what they need because their needs have been neglected for far too long. So you may be finding yourself helping them connect with their needs through your inquiry. Give them the space to sit with this and encourage them to think about what kind of support could help them shine brighter and live with greater ease and joy.

3. Really LISTEN and identify how you can add support to their lives. Try mirroring back what you understood from what they shared to make sure that you accurately heard them. Ask clarifying questions and get their feedback for how you feel you can best provide the support that they need (not the support that you think they need). This may require a change in habits and some modifications in the way you run your household, team, business, or organization.

4. Remember to actually provide the support! Having conversations is a start, but it is not at all sufficient. I know this seems like common sense, but for all the lovely well-meaning folks out there, please remember that consistently providing the support women need is necessary for them to feel supported. A simple way to know if you are actually providing the support women need is to ask for their feedback.

5. Be open to feedback, stay curious, and keep learning and adapting as necessary. Remember that needs change and your form of support may need to change as a result. This is a dynamic process that requires your genuine engagement and agreeing on a regular and periodic checking-in routine may be helpful.

Now, for all the wonderful women who may be reading this, here are some reminders that may help you too:

1. Believe that you are worthy of support. Please, let’s stop praising ourselves for being superwomen and self-sacrificing martyrs. We are human and we all deserve to be held, heard, seen, and supported, and to thrive with joy and ease.

2. Connect with your needs. Get curious and ask yourself what you need to become the most radiant version of yourself.

3. ASK for help! There is no shame in asking for help. It doesn’t make you weak. It is no different than your body asking for nutrients or sleep. If you are a human being, which you are, you need (and deserve) to be supported emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically in order to truly thrive. 

4. Allow yourself to RECEIVE! You can’t get support if you don’t know how to receive it. So many of us have spent most of our lives giving to others that receiving feels foreign to us. We may even resist help and feel guilty if we are being supported. Please give yourself permission to receive, to be held, to be supported, and to flow with ease and joy.

5. Stay curious about your needs and be proactive about asking for and receiving the appropriate help, guidance, and support. Keep growing and adapting as necessary.

BONUS TIP: Use this letter as a catalyst to start the conversation. Share this with those who you want to support more or who you need more support from. Forward it to your partner. Print it out and use it to start a dialogue with your team at work. Start today!

I hope these tips help and that we all remember that by giving to each other, we also give to ourselves and to our world.

When you help one person shine, you help make the world a brighter place for us all - including yourself.

So let’s continue to celebrate women, but more importantly, let’s continue to listen to women, support women, and elevate women. 

Onwards and upwards we go!

Maliheh

A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Fear, Doubt, and Procrastination

Dear Friends,

In my previous letter, I shared four questions you need to ask yourself as a changemaker before signing on to a new project. But what do you do once you sign on to a project and the internal fear and doubt start creeping in?

You signed up with the best of intentions. You were excited, the project and individuals involved felt aligned with your values, you found it energizing, and you felt that you would be making an impact and creating the change you wish to see in the world.

But once things get rolling, you may start to doubt yourself. You may start to feel scared. You may even feel yourself shut down, withdraw, procrastinate, and completely lose interest in the very project you were excited about just a short time ago!

You try to connect with yourself to see what is going on. You go inward and notice the self-critical inner dialogue:

What if I can’t live up to the expectations people have of me?

Am I good enough to be doing this?

Is there a point to me doing any of this?

Do I have enough to give?

What if it doesn’t turn out well?

What if I disappoint people?

What if I can’t make an impact?

What if this whole thing falls apart?

And on and on…

It can feel like a lot hitting you all at once.

What do you do when you feel like your internal thoughts and fears are getting in your way?

Here is a step-by-step guide to help you troubleshoot and get you going again:

1. Thank your mind and inner critic for sharing their input and tap into your growth mindset. Remember that the inner critic’s main job is to keep you safe. Turn toward it with compassion. And remember that no matter how accomplished of a changemaker you are, you are still allowed to make mistakes and to grow.
   
   Tell the inner critic: “I know you are trying to keep me safe. Thank you for sharing your concerns. I know I’m capacious enough to handle whatever that happens just as I have so far in my life. Whatever happens, I know I’ll learn and grow and I will be OKAY. I choose to take one small step.” (For more on the role of the inner critic, growth mindset, and practicing self-compassion, tune into my podcast conversation with the pioneer in self-compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff). 

2. Embrace the fear. Remember that fear is a normal human emotion. It is completely OKAY to feel scared. Most of us shut down because we believe that if we are really good enough that we should never feel scared. So when the fear comes up, we see it as a sign that we are not capable or confident enough somehow. Instead, if you are feeling scared, that is probably a sign that you are being challenged and growing.
   
   Most people make the mistake of saying to themselves, “I’m scared.” No, you are not scared. You are feeling scared. The feeling does not define you as a person. It is simply an experience you are having. Tell yourself, “I know I’m feeling scared, and it is OKAY to feel scared. This is new for me. I’m learning and growing. I choose to breathe through it. I choose to take one small step.” I love this quote from Susan David, Ph.D., Harvard Medical School Psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, “Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is fear walking.” (For more on thriving with emotional courage, you can listen to my podcast conversation with Susan David here.)

3. Remember your “Why”. Why did you sign up for this? Who did you want to serve? Re-energize yourself by thinking about the person or people you want to impact and your greater purpose. Remember what a disservice it would be if they missed out on all that you could be giving. Really visualize them and feel what it would feel like for them to receive your presence, insights, gifts, and talents and what it would feel like for you to give to them.

4. Trust your curiosity. Ask: “What am I feeling curious about starting? What is one small step I can choose to take to move forward with this project?” Not “what should I start on” or “what do I have to do”, but “what do I feel curious about and can choose to do”. If you identify a few tasks, pick the one you feel most curious about and aligned with in this moment.

5. Take that one step. Move forward by taking the one small step you feel most curious about. Let go of perfection and just START!

6. Celebrate yourself and the step you just took. Pay attention to how good it feels to take one step and to be moving forward. You deserve to feel good about the progress you are making and celebrate the small wins, not just the final end result. This is how you allow yourself to enjoy the journey.

7. Repeat steps 1-6 as necessary. Take it one super tiny step at a time. Before you know it, your curiosity will start to carry you, the momentum will start to build, your confidence will get a boost, and you’ll be flowing and rolling again.

Notice that the suggested inner dialogues use the word “choose” not “have to” or “should”. Don’t take your own power away by operating in “have tos” and “shoulds”. You are powerful, strong, and have the agency to “choose” what is best for you.

Of course, if you start a project and realize that it is not what you thought it was and the project (or the people involved) are not truly aligned with your values and/or it is going to take up much more mental space, time, or energy than you have to give, it may be necessary to reevaluate your involvement. 

But if the core issue is related to your internal fears and doubts, then I hope these steps help you get going again. 

Ultimately, it is our attachment to outcomes that trigger most of our fears and doubts. So surrender the outcomes and thoughts about the future by being here, present in this moment. 

Trust that YOU ARE ENOUGH, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, and everything will unfold as it needs to — one moment and one tiny step at a time.

You’ve got this!

Maliheh

Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before Taking On A New Project

Dear Friends,

Many changemakers I know are incredibly passionate, giving, generous, and selfless. They go above and beyond to help others, and sometimes to the detriment of their physical and mental health. There is nothing wrong with being a giver, but if it is costing your mental or physical health, it is costing you too much.

That is why I want to provide a quick guide to help you stay mindful of how you are devoting your time, energy, and creating the change you wish to see in the world.

I used to really struggle with this myself. I used to believe that if an opportunity comes across my path to give and serve, it must be meant for me to take on. I couldn’t stand letting people down and I really struggled with saying “No.” I kept pushing and overextending myself until my body forced me to face the reality that I’m not superhuman and that I need to learn to give to myself too!

It took a while for me to learn to give to myself without feeling guilty and every time I struggled to say “No,” I reminded myself that “I’m not saying ‘NO’ to them, I’m saying ‘YES’ to me!” (I learned this little nugget at a yoga retreat 10 years ago and it has been life-changing!)

You’ve got to be self-compassionate and remember that you are enough and you matter. You are not here to just serve and give and give. You deserve to give to yourself and serve in a way that brings you joy.

With that said, let’s get to the four questions you need to ask yourself when you are considering taking on a new project. Assuming that you have the luxury of choice and already know you would provide value, ask yourself the following questions to make sure that the project is right for you:

1. Do I have the time? This would normally be a no-brainer, but just so we are clear for all the lovely selfless givers here, the answer would only be “YES” if it will not cost you time away from your sleep, exercise, rest, self-care, loved ones, regular work activities, and other responsibilities and priorities. Otherwise, the answer is “NO.”

2. Do I have the mental space? Sometimes even if you have the time in terms of basic clock hours, you may be going through phases of personal and/or professional growth and transition, which could be taking up a lot of mental space. Please honor where you are in your life. If you feel that you don’t have the mental space and the prospect of adding this project to your life right now feels heavy and overwhelming, the answer is “NO.”

3. Is this project aligned with my values and the change I want to create in the world? You need to be mindful of how to use your time and mental space, and channel your valuable resources towards projects that help you make the impact you want to make. Even if you have the time and mental space, if the project and/or the individuals involved in the project don’t share your values and are not aligned with your passion and purpose, then the answer is a very clear “NO.”

4. Will it energize me? Some projects, no matter how amazing they sound, may drain the life out of you and make you feel a sense of dread, while others inspire your creativity to flow and you feel excited and energized just thinking about it. Trust that. Visualize how it will feel to be working on this project. If the project and/or the people involved with it drain your energy and you don’t feel like you will be making a sufficient impact, then the answer is “NO.” Projects are not always smooth sailing and there will certainly be challenges along the way, but you definitely need to feel energized about it going in. Sign up for projects that also give back to you! 

If the answer to any of the above questions is a “No”, you’ve got your answer: NO, this project is NOT right for you as it is.

If you are super passionate about the project, get curious and creative and see if there is room for negotiation. If it is possible to make the project more efficient, aligned, impactful, and energizing so you can get to “YES” on all of the above questions, and the negotiation process would not take up unnecessary time, mental space, and energy, then it could be worth exploring and negotiating. If not, then the answer is “NO” and this project is NOT right for you.

I know saying “NO” can feel uncomfortable sometimes, but if you really think about it, you can’t give an authentic “YES”, without being able to say “NO”.  Also, if you don’t say “NO” when you are supposed to, you’ll run the risk of overloading yourself and derailing your existing projects, commitments, and priorities. And remember, you can still be kind and compassionate in your delivery of “NO”, while being firm in your resolve to uphold your values and set boundaries to protect your time, mental space, and energy.

If you answered an enthusiastic “YES” to ALL of the above questions (either initially or after a brief negotiation), then it is a clear sign that you’ve likely got yourself a new project to dive into. However, even if you answered “YES” to all of the above, if something (or someone) about the project still doesn’t FEEL right to you, this is important data and it is worth taking a pause and meditating on it a bit more. Trust yourself and your inner knowing. Life decisions are not just about mental analysis, but our hearts, bodies, and souls too. Check in with all of you. If your mind, heart, body, and soul all come together to say “YES”, then go for it and enjoy the journey!

Ultimately, please remember that YOU MATTER and with every “Yes” and “No”, you are building and designing your life. You’ve got to value yourself enough to be intentional about creating a life that truly honors you, your values, your health, and your wellbeing.

I hope you found these reminders helpful and that energizing “YES” projects continue to find their way to you — it all starts with saying “YES” to you!

Maliheh