Celebrating Women Isn’t Enough, Here’s How You Can Support Them
Dear Friends,
We all know that celebrating women, their contributions, and impact is important. Women’s History Month, International Women’s Day, Mother’s Day, and birthdays (it happens to be my mom’s birthday today - Happy Birthday Maman!) present us with some additional opportunities for celebration.
However, women don’t just need to be celebrated. They also need to be supported and appreciated for who they truly are throughout the year.
Women deserve to be encouraged to dream, to pursue their passions, and to thrive in every aspect of their lives.
Unfortunately, so many women are not getting the support that they need and deserve. This is also true for women leaders and I never forget the moment that I realized this as it changed my life forever!
Years ago, I had a chance meeting with a radiant and highly accomplished woman leader who was at the helm of a women’s empowerment organization. During our conversation, I got the sense that she is constantly juggling multiple roles, putting out fires, and supporting everyone around her. It felt like a lot for one person to be handling on their own. I started to wonder, “How is she being supported through all of this?”
So I asked her, “I’m curious. It is very clear that you are incredibly passionate, capable, and doing amazing work to empower so many women. You also have a board to answer to, funds to raise, projects to oversee, employees to support, public appearances to make, and it seems like you are there for everyone. Who is supporting you as you are doing all of this?”
She looked at me with a blank stare and said, “What do you mean?”
I said, “Who is supporting you? Encouraging you? Elevating you?”
She again, had a blank stare. I kept going, “Who do you have to vent to? Brainstorm with? Strategize with? And lean on?”
She paused for a moment and finally said, “No one.”
I was shocked!
I remember thinking “What’s the point if we keep saying we need more women in leadership, if once they get there, they are not supported and end up getting burned out?”
My heart truly broke for her. Next thing I knew, I found myself saying, “If you let me, I’ll be that person for you!”
Her eyes lit up, she breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back in her chair as if the weight of the world was just lifted off her shoulders.
She ended up becoming my inspiration and advising her put me on the path to becoming an advisor for women founders, entrepreneurs, and changemakers.
While I’m grateful for the opportunity to work with amazing women to help them birth their visions and ideas in a way that also honors them and creates meaningful change in the world, I believe that we all (men and women) have a responsibility to do more to support women.
Here’s how you can support the women in your life:
Be a safe space. Be kind, compassionate, and understanding. Release the urge to judge, analyze, assume, and give solutions. Simply show up with your full presence, open heart, and an open mind.
Be genuinely curious and ask the women in your life what they NEED to feel more supported. Be mindful of the fact that some women may not be very clear about what they need because their needs have been neglected for far too long. So you may be finding yourself helping them connect with their needs through your inquiry. Give them the space to sit with this and encourage them to think about what kind of support could help them shine brighter and live with greater ease and joy.
Really LISTEN and identify how you can add support to their lives. Try mirroring back what you understood from what they shared to make sure that you accurately heard them. Ask clarifying questions and get their feedback for how you feel you can best provide the support that they need (not the support that you think they need). This may require a change in habits and some modifications in the way you run your household, team, business, or organization.
Remember to actually provide the support! Having conversations is a start, but it is not at all sufficient. I know this seems like common sense, but for all the lovely well-meaning folks out there, please remember that consistently providing the support women need is necessary for them to feel supported. A simple way to know if you are actually providing the support women need is to ask for their feedback.
Be open to feedback, stay curious, and keep learning and adapting as necessary. Remember that needs change and your form of support may need to change as a result. This is a dynamic process that requires your genuine engagement and agreeing on a regular and periodic checking-in routine may be helpful.
Now, for all the wonderful women who may be reading this, here are some reminders that may help you too:
Believe that you are worthy of support. Please, let’s stop praising ourselves for being superwomen and self-sacrificing martyrs. We are human and we all deserve to be held, heard, seen, and supported, and to thrive with joy and ease.
Connect with your needs. Get curious and ask yourself what you need to become the most radiant version of yourself.
ASK for help! There is no shame in asking for help. It doesn’t make you weak. It is no different than your body asking for nutrients or sleep. If you are a human being, which you are, you need (and deserve) to be supported emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically in order to truly thrive.
Allow yourself to RECEIVE! You can’t get support if you don’t know how to receive it. So many of us have spent most of our lives giving to others that receiving feels foreign to us. We may even resist help and feel guilty if we are being supported. Please give yourself permission to receive, to be held, to be supported, and to flow with ease and joy.
Stay curious about your needs and be proactive about asking for and receiving the appropriate help, guidance, and support. Keep growing and adapting as necessary.
BONUS TIP: Use this letter as a catalyst to start the conversation. Share this with those who you want to support more or who you need more support from. Forward it to your partner. Print it out and use it to start a dialogue with your team at work. Start today!
I hope these tips help and that we all remember that by giving to each other, we also give to ourselves and to our world.
When you help one person shine, you help make the world a brighter place for us all - including yourself.
So let’s continue to celebrate women, but more importantly, let’s continue to listen to women, support women, and elevate women.
Onwards and upwards we go!
Maliheh