The Gift of Unconditional Love

Dear friends,

Over the past month, I’ve had to say goodbye to my incredible grandmother, the woman who taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

As I have been riding the waves of grief, I have also been overcome by deep gratitude for having had the privilege of experiencing her love. You see, she wasn’t just a doting grandmother—"Mamanbozorg," as we affectionately called her, was truly special.

She experienced painful betrayals at a very young age, which made her different, mentally and emotionally. Given what she had been through, she was extremely distrusting of people, especially of outsiders, which led her to keep to herself and her home for decades.

But when she saw any of her children or grandchildren, her fears melted away and she overflowed with love, as if she suddenly had no other care in the world.

She never adjusted her love and affection based on how well we performed, how much we achieved, how we looked, how often we called or visited, or if we did anything for her—all that mattered to her was that we were there and safe from harm.

Her love came with zero conditions and zero expectations. Her special mind made it so that she took pure delight in our mere existence just as we were in that moment, and nothing else mattered to her.

From the second that she would lay her eyes on us, she would immediately go into admiring, adoring, and showering us with the sweetest words you couldn’t even imagine. There was never any hint of criticism, judgement, shame, or guilt.

She was highly intelligent and very observant but never made you feel bad about yourself.

Her love was the purest there was, which sometimes made it hard for us to receive because it was so different from what we experienced out in the world. But when you were alone with her, she made you feel like you were God’s gift walking on earth.

I remember visiting Iran one summer in my early twenties when I was struggling with a really awful bout of acne. Literally everyone who saw me immediately commented on it, making me feel incredibly self-conscious.

But the moment Mamanbozorg saw me at her door, she greeted me with her usual enthusiasm and unmatched sweetness: “Mamanom! Soorat gerd-e ghashangom! Maliheh khanoomom oomade!”—”My darling! My round-faced beauty! My Maliheh is here!”

Once we exchanged hugs and kisses and I walked in, she said she wanted to bring me something refreshing to help me recover from being out in the Shiraz heat. She went into her kitchen and started up her juicer.

A few minutes later, she was holding a tall glass of green juice. She said it included her special prayers to nourish my health and beauty. I felt so safe and loved that I was the one who brought up the acne and shared with her what a struggle it had been.

Like always, I was met with her compassion and understanding and the knowing that she saw who I truly was—behind the marks on my face, behind the fancy accomplishments, and behind the roles and identities defined by society.

A love like hers truly heals. It gives us the foundation from which we can thrive and I believe that it is possible for all of us to experience.

And it starts with giving this love to ourselves.

As we begin to be kind to ourselves and focus on affectionately and wholeheartedly accepting and loving ourselves, something powerful shifts. We start demonstrating that we believe we are worthy of unconditional love and soften into receiving more of this love from others and from life itself.

Suddenly, we start to notice life being kinder to us and discover safe spaces and people with whom we can flourish.

We become more present and available for more blessings and opportunities as we no longer need to escape the inner criticism, judgement, and shame.

And before we know it, our whole life is revolving around giving and receiving love in the most authentic way–shaping how we love, parent, create, and lead.

So what if you started looking at yourself with my Mamanbozorg’s eyes?

What if you framed all of those perceived “flaws” as the exact things that make you beautiful and inspire your growth?

What if you believed that you were enough and worthy of love just because you exist?

What if you took delight in simply being?

What if you saw yourself as God’s gift walking on earth?

If you notice any resistance to these questions, I invite you to lean into it and get curious. What parts of you believe that you are not worthy of this kind of love? And why? What are these parts afraid of and what do they need?

Are they afraid that you’ll just turn into a lazy bum and never accomplish anything?

Afraid that you’ll never improve or work on your “flaws”?

Afraid that you’ll become an arrogant narcissist and stop caring about others?

Afraid that you’ll outgrow your current circumstances and the people around you and will have to face loss?

Something else?

Whatever they are, sit with them and hold them, and gently explore and negotiate with them until you get to a place of understanding and alignment.

Know that loving yourself in this way is not self-indulgent or selfish—it is self-nourishment and protection. Authentic self-love and self-compassion create the internal safety we all need to power our growth, become courageous enough to live and lead authentically, and blaze new trails.

A love like this frees you. It helps you shed anything that is holding you back from the truth of who you are and from thriving as a human being and as a trailblazer that is here to pave new paths and create lasting impact.

In my last conversation with her, Mamanbozorg told me to not mourn when she is gone as “Mamanom, khoone beheshtimo amade kardan”—“My darling, my home in heaven has been prepared for me“. While I am trying my best to honor her wishes, the emotional grief is definitely real and not something that is healthy to suppress or bypass.

I continue to honor her by sharing who she was and her incredible capacity to love, by loving myself the way that she loved me, and by letting this love overflow and spread through anything that I create and anyone that I meet and work with.

This month, I invite you to help me honor her memory by borrowing my Mamanbozorg’s eyes.

See yourself with her tenderness and sweetness. Fill yourself with unconditional gentleness, acceptance, and appreciation like you have never done before.

Breathe it in and feel it settle into your heart and body. Know that you are enough and worthy of your own love—just as you are in this moment.

Make it a daily practice to nourish this love within you, especially on the days that you make a mistake or are feeling unsure about the path ahead.

Let compassion and gentleness ease your fears, calm your doubts, fuel your heart, and build your confidence as you step into the love that you are meant to be and align with all that is meant for you.

May you gift yourself with my Mamanbozorg’s eyes and unconditional love.

May it fill you up and propel you forward every single day.

And may you continue to thrive.

Mamanbozorg, I hope you are dancing in your new home in heaven. I love you and will always miss you!

All my love,

Maliheh