Improve Your Decision-Making With One Simple Question

Dear friends,

Happy New Year! I took a short winter break and am excited to be writing to you again.

As many of you have already realized, 2025 is not kidding around. As a behavioral economist who specializes in leadership decision making, I know this year will require many of us to make crucial decisions as we navigate a lot of uncertainty and global change.

While every situation is unique, here is one guiding question that can help you when you find yourself at a crossroad (this will be especially applicable for all the super selfless, giving, and deeply loving people here):

“What is the most self-compassionate decision to make?”

Asking this question will provide a simple but transformative lens through which to reflect on your options.

Let me share a quick story of how this question helped a trailblazing leader who has been facing a defining moment in her career.

For over a decade, this individual has led with incredible vision and passion. Then, overnight, external forces—male-dominated leadership who had been threatened by her success and impact—dismantled everything that she had built. On top of that, the hostility towards her continues to escalate, determined to force her out of the organization.

Despite these crushing challenges, she feels deeply responsible for those she serves and has been determined to push forward. But her health has been paying the price. Her body has been sounding alarm bells for months now, impacting her ability to function, sleep, and even digest. She has repeatedly sought medical care to find a way to heal and cope, but continues to struggle on a daily basis.

Ultimately, after exhausting all other negotiations and options, she is faced with two choices: resist or resign.

When she shared the situation with me, I asked her, “What would be the most self-compassionate decision to make?”

Without hesitation, she answered, “Resign.” But she looked sad and believed that this would mean she was giving up.

I said to her, “Listen my dear, we are not in the business of being martyrs.

“No organization or mission is worth sacrificing your health over, especially one that has been so forcefully committed to not hearing you, not valuing your contributions, and sabotaging your efforts at every turn.

“Resigning would in no way be the end nor diminish the impact you have had throughout the years. Instead, it would be freeing SOOOO MUCH mental and emotional space and physical energy, all of which could then be channeled into creating an even greater impact than ever before.

“This could even be the beginning of an amazing new chapter for you!”

She responded by saying, “Well, if I take the selfish path,” I gently interrupted, “No, no, no! This is not the selfish path, it is the self-compassionate path!”

We both erupted into laughter as we had just experienced in real time why so few women choose self-compassion, because we subconsciously associate it with being selfish.

To clarify, selfishness is rooted in serving the ego and by nature, focused on extraction and scarcity. Self-compassion is rooted in love and by nature, expansive and abundant. The more self-compassionate you are, the more your creativity can flourish, the more you’ll have to give to others, and the greater your long-term impact will be.

She continued, “Okay, so if I take the self-compassionate path, what will happen to those that I leave behind?”

Now, would a “selfish” person ever think to ask such a question? I highly doubt it.

I said, “They are all grown adults and have their own life lessons they need to learn. You can prepare them as best as you can, but then, you need to trust them on their own journey. Maybe you leaving is part of that and it will challenge them to exercise their resilience muscles and find their own way.”

She then took a deep breath and started reflecting about what her life would look like if she did resign. Finally she said, “You know, now that I think about it, I’ve probably known for a while that I’ve outgrown this place. But I just didn’t have the heart to leave.”

“Exactly,” I said. “That is why life had to resort to pushing you out. You deserve to build with people who value and appreciate you. And you are meant for so much more!”

And just like that, exploring the self-compassionate path opened her mind to so many incredible possibilities and hope for the future.

This simple, yet powerful question—“What is the most self-compassionate decision?”—can guide us to choices that better honor our well-being and growth.

The self-compassionate path is not always easy, however, and it is by no means self-indulgent. It may require you to challenge norms, embrace uncertainty, chart new terrain, meet numerous edges of growth, and/or heal old wounds that are keeping you stuck.

It can also feel uncomfortable, even counterintuitive, to prioritize self-compassion—especially if you're used to putting others first.

But self-compassion has been shown to support individuals’ long-term growth and expand their capacity to lead, love, and thrive with greater authenticity and joy (learn more here). It is a path definitely worth reflecting on as you move through your decision making process. It may even open you up to new possibilities and solutions.

So as 2025 unfolds and you face tough decisions, may you remember to explore: “What is the self-compassionate decision to make?”

And may you thrive in ways you never imagined possible.

With love and gratitude,

Maliheh