The Belief That Is Keeping You Stuck
Dear friends,
One of the greatest missed opportunities for ease, joy, and thriving comes from believing that we can only feel good, be happy, or take care of ourselves once our external circumstances match our desired expectations.
While longing and focusing only on how our external circumstances are supposed to be, we miss out on being present with what is available to us now.
This creates a breeding ground for a lot of pain and suffering, and it keeps us stuck.
When you say that you’ll let yourself live and take care of yourself once X, Y, or Z conditions fall into place, you are sending yourself the message that you are not worthy of life, love, or care unless you have achieved or obtained X, Y, or Z.
This withholding of love and life from yourself can create an internal environment of stress and fear, potentially activating your nervous system’s fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. None of this will expedite you getting to X, Y, or Z outcomes (or maintaining them even if you get there), and it will certainly not help you enjoy the journey.
In fact, staying in a mindset of lack and longing may further erode your confidence in receiving the external outcomes you are hoping for and they may continue to elude you no matter how much you work for them.
So regardless of what your external circumstances look like right now and how undesirable they may be, you must remind yourself that:
You are worthy of taking care of yourself in this moment
You are allowed to savor your life as it is unfolding right now, and
You have the permission to do things that help you feel good about yourself as a human being.
This could be getting some sleep, taking a few extra moments to get dressed in the morning, going for a walk, finding stillness and breathing, praying, calling a friend, listening to some music, or even having a good cry and honoring your emotions.
The key point being: even if the external circumstances abandon you, you cannot abandon you.
Even if your life and/or business is full of chaos and nowhere near where you want it to be, you are not going to improve the situation by punishing and depriving yourself of care.
You are still worthy of taking a few moments to breathe, to connect with your inner being, to rest, to recharge your batteries, and perhaps even find moments of gratitude and joy.
This isn’t about denying reality or forcing positivity.
This is about building a practice of taking care of your internal state (and your nervous system) in the midst of any external reality. Sometimes, this is the exact lesson our constantly evolving external circumstances are trying to teach us. (For more on how to develop this practice, check out my previous letter: Five Steps to Being Okay When Circumstances Are Not Okay.)
Showing up for yourself and honoring your needs despite what is going on around you is also what is going to help better discern your options and take the aligned actions that will positively shift your external circumstances.
It is from this place of internal steadiness, even in the midst of external chaos, that you can innovate solutions and lead lasting change.
So no, you don’t need to keep pushing through and holding your breath until you make it to the other side of the challenging season you are moving through.
It is safe to breathe even during this difficult period and it doesn’t mean that you will be camping out here forever.
It means that you are choosing to accept where you are, to slow down, and to do whatever helps you to feel supported and grounded right now (even if it is just for a few fleeting moments). And you might just find your way to the other side more quickly than you thought possible!
May you continue to lovingly show up for yourself internally regardless of what you experience externally, and may you continue to thrive.
With love and gratitude,
Maliheh