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Episode 10 — Alexandra Carter: On Asking for More from Negotiations, Our Lives, and Our World

Alexandra Carter is a world-renowned negotiator, best-selling author of Ask for More: Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything, and Clinical Professor of Law and Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School.

In this episode, Professor Carter and Dr. Paryavi discuss how negotiation applies to every aspect of our lives and leadership. They share insights on how to ask for more from negotiations to promote expansion and value creation for all, and become more effective negotiators to improve our lives and our world.

Released: July 29, 2021

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EPISODE 10 NOTES FROM MALIHEH PARYAVI, phd

“You can never be truly lost in life. Find comfort in knowing that each step you take, each path you turn down, is exactly where you’re supposed to be. Trust your journey. Everything works out the way it’s supposed to.” - Alexandra Carter

When I stumbled upon this quote in one of Alex’s social media posts, I had a feeling that Alex and I we may be very aligned. I’m so grateful that I trusted that feeling, reached out to her, and that she accepted my invitation to join me on the podcast. We had so much fun connecting and sharing in this episode. Truly, everything does work out the way it’s supposed to as I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect guest to wrap up this first season of the podcast with. In fact, when I look back at the previous episodes, all of my guests have had to “ask for more” and negotiate their way to where they are in their lives and careers as pioneers and change-makers. And in this episode, Alex and I share our insights about how you can do the same. Enjoy!

Episode Breakdown:

  • 01:12 - The importance of negotiation in leading fully empowered and authentic lives

  • 08:02 - What does “Ask for More” really mean?

  • 09:17 - The key to a great negotiation: connecting with ourselves first

  • 11:08 - The importance of connecting with our needs

  • 17:37 - Taking life and negotiations one small step at a time

  • 22:40 - Advice on getting through times of stress

  • 25:00 - Not everything needs to be up for negotiation: knowing and setting your boundaries

  • 26:55 - How connecting with our humanity may help us see the humanity in others and reduce global conflicts

  • 29:22 - Core strategies for negotiating directly with others

  • 35:11 - The importance of observation and deep listening

  • 39:40 - The three key mindset shifts that are needed to ask for more

  • 45:38 - How asking for more applies to gender equality

  • 48:22 - Asking for more by reimagining and redesigning our post-pandemic world

  • 54:00 - The importance of developing our “mediation capacity” to create lasting change

  • 57:55 - Alex’s inspiring journey and how she found her calling

  • 01:02:42 - On trusting the process and the joy of soulful connection

More about Alexandra Carter

Alex is a Clinical Professor of Law and Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School. She has spent the last eleven years helping thousands of people negotiate better, build relationships and reach their goals. In 2019, Alex was awarded the Columbia University Presidential Award for Outstanding Teaching, Columbia University’s highest teaching honor.

Alex believes that negotiation is for everyone. She is a world-renowned negotiation trainer for groups and individuals from all over the world—including the United Nations, Fortune 100 companies, the U.S. government, foreign governments, not-for-profit organizations, universities and private law firms. Through the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, Alex and her students provide free conflict resolution services and training to many people and organizations who otherwise would not be able to afford it.

Prior to joining the Columbia faculty, Alex was associated with Cravath, Swaine & Moore LLP. She also worked at Goldman Sachs in the Principal Investment Area. She spent a year in Taipei, Taiwan as a U.S. Fulbright Scholar.

Alex received her Juris Doctor degree in 2003 from Columbia Law School, where she earned James Kent and Harlan Fiske Stone academic honors. She won the Jane Marks Murphy Prize for her mediation work and the Lawrence S. Greenbaum Prize for oral advocacy. She graduated cum laude from Georgetown University, where she won the Lena Landegger community service award.

Her first book, Ask for More: Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything, was published May 5th by Simon & Schuster and became an instant Wall Street Journal bestseller — the first negotiation book solo-authored by a woman to make that list.

Alex lives in Maplewood, New Jersey, with her husband Greg and their daughter Caroline. In her spare time, she enjoys cooking and practicing yoga.